Three French Hens, Two Cancer Patients and One Love

When my husband Keith and I married on December 30, 2010, we embraced the meaning of the three French hens as Faith, Hope and Love. I knew my life was going to change when we said our ‘I dos’ but exactly how only God held the answers. 

Amy & Keith

I remember when we first met. His smile had me mesmerized as we cut a rug to a 90’s song at a local restaurant turned dance club. His face lit up as we got to know one another. I felt a warmth come over me as he reminded me of home. He was so adorable. I said to myself “I could see myself marring him.”

We both shared our love of faith on our first date. We are both believers in Christ. This is the most important quality in a man to me. We conversed about me becoming a Christian in 2002 and he being raised in a Christian home and we smiled. He shared how he grew up going to church in a small town when he was younger and that attending Sunday service and worshiping our Lord and Savior were two spiritual activities we have in common. He also shared how his big family is so important to him. His older sister loved to cook a big dinner after church on Sundays for his family of five. Our relationship grew on Faith, Hope and Love. 

Eight years after we got married, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer stage 1B2.  I had a hysterectomy, radiation and chemotherapy. I felt defeated. I was fatigued all the time, especially after my first round of chemotherapy. Keith was right there by my side encouraging me and praying for me everyday. He was my hope and not only that he became my caregiver. During this time, he would take me to my oncology appointments which were 30 minutes away from home. I felt so grateful and safe. I really never understood when people spoke about “their person” or my “ride or die”. Well, now I do. I don’t know what I would have done without him. 

The following year, we received some more heartbreaking news. Keith was diagnosed with multiple myeloma.

We nervously waited in the emergency exam room. The doctor came in and said, “Mr. Knox it looks like you have some cancerous lesions.” We were both in shock. I seriously couldn’t believe we were going down this road again. I exhaled.

Then Keith’s journey began in October 2018 when he went through a long and difficult stem cell transplant. This is a procedure in which a patient receives healthy stem cells to replace their own. He was in the hospital for 27 days. He was very weak, had no strength and lost 32 pounds. He was given a large dose of chemotherapy which made his hair fall out. I was at the hospital by his side day and night, giving him hope by praying for him and helping him with his basic needs like walking, getting dressed and eating. I will be honest, some days were really hard. There were long nights and days where my husband wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t walk and somedays he felt like giving up. 

Then God stepped in. The Physicians Assistant, Ami, who is part of the oncology team asked Keith if he wanted to go home today. He answered with a yes and we were beyond happy!

Survivor & Cervivor

Today I continue as his caregiver, assisting with his medication and chemotherapy daily. He also has neuropathy in his feet and legs. Neuropathy is weakness or numbness and pain from nerve damage. I rub his feet with pain reliving creams. Some days are better than others. But every day is a gift that I am with him. 

As a patient and caregiver I too have days where I need help. My husband helps me when I don’t feel like cooking. If I need help with doing laundry or vacuuming the house, he is the first person to say, “I got you babe” and I am the first to say, “Thank you and I love you.” This relationship has taught me it’s ok to ask for help and I try not to put pressure on myself to get everything done. It’s okay to have a day where all you do is rest or read a book. There are days both of us don’t feel like doing a dang thing. What I have learned is to be in tune to or with your partner whether it be for better or for worse!  

Amy is a wife and patient advocate based in North Carolina, who was diagnosed with cervical cancer at age 44. She is passionate about reminding women to get screened for cervical cancer. She supports Cervivor and its mission in many ways, including being a social media influencer for the organization, as well using her faith to serve as a praying partner for those seeking that level of support. Learn more about Amy by reading her Cervivor story here. 

Thanksgiving with a Side of Gratitude (or Not)

Thanksgiving is a big meal, and the main course of the holiday is gratitude.

Cervivor is a place to get real. So let’s put this on our holiday table: is gratitude easy or tough for you? As cancer survivors, can we confess that we sometimes have a tricky on-again off-again relationship with gratitude? If you’ve just received a diagnosis, gratitude is the last thing on your mind. It wasn’t on my mind in the chemotherapy chair.

As a survivor, I am epically, hugely, ginormously (seriously!) grateful for every day that I have. But that is mixed, still – 18 years later – with the feelings about my lost fertility and, on a bad day, frustration about my ongoing health battles with the after-effects of cancer.

The reassuring part is, I know I’m not alone. I just need to turn to Cervivor Stories and the Cervivor blog to know that others are riding with me on the emotional rollercoaster of the holiday season. I’m feeling grateful to the Cervivors who wrote so honestly about their own gratitude struggles. Thank you for keeping it real. And honest.

 “I wasn’t in a spirit for any holiday after receiving my diagnosis. Everything had gone dark. That year there was no giving thanks on Thanksgiving, no tree for Christmas. What was the sense of doing all that if I felt uncertain about my life? It took a while for me to feel ready to fight back. It was a difficult journey, but I got a second shot at life. Now, I give thanks every day as if it were Thanksgiving Day. I celebrate each day and see it as a gift given to me like a Christmas present. There’s so much I want to do, and I don’t take anything for granted. I see life differently now. Problems that seemed huge are not so big anymore. I really don’t sweat the small stuff.”  – Patti

It’s perfectly normal after cancer to have feelings of depression and anxiety. However, once we acknowledge them, we get to CHOOSE what to do with them… Since cancer, I choose to live in a different state of mind. Cancer brings you face to face with mortality, death, and time. Once I began to digest my mortality, it changed my mindset toward every single thing.

I no longer look at the holiday season with the same weight and importance as when I was a child. I still love them, and Christmas is STILL my favorite. But I live with much more intention and purpose now. Every day is Christmas because for me it’s a state of mind that I choose.  New Years’ Eve brings hope and excitement, but I am just as excited about the next 365 days of opportunity and growth.  This shift isn’t something that just happens. For me, it takes a bit of work.” – Holly

It’s hard to feel grateful when you are nauseous, exhausted, depleted, and in pain.  That’s ok!  I would go into a cycle of feeling depressed, and then get mad at myself for not being more thankful that I would make it out of this alive. My boyfriend would constantly tell me, “You’re ‘should-ing’ on yourself again.” 

Going through cancer is hard enough, and the side effects both during and after treatment are draining (to put it mildly).  We should at least be able to give ourselves a break… People write inspirational and positive blogs to give others strength and hope, and to advocate for change, and all of that is useful and wonderful.  But sometimes it is nice to hear that people are struggling with the same crappy emotions that you are. We all have those moments of sheer frustration and anger and complete debilitating sadness over the hand we have been dealt, and that is ok too.” – Ana

This past year has been a process.  A process of grief, depression, anxiety, anger and many tears, as well as gratitude, blessings and opportunity.” – Megan

I had so much unresolved grief and unanswered questions. Cervivor help me settle some things within myself and fulfill the need I have for service to honor my mom. I am so thankful that Cervivor has once made me believe that I can go on. I can go on and help fight cervical cancer.” – Lillian

Do these reflections resonate with you?

What are you grateful for, and what are your gratitude struggles?

Please share in the comments below. We are here to listen and we are here to support you.

Tamika Felder is an 18-year cervical cancer survivor and award-winning women’s health advocate. She is the Chief Visionary at Cervivor – a nonprofit dedicated to cervical cancer advocacy and support. Named a “Cancer Rebel” by Newsweek in a 2017 cover story, Tamika is a highly sought-after speaker on cervical cancer advocacy, cancer prevention, HPV education, and living life with purpose after cancer. She is the author of “Seriously, What Are You Waiting For? 13 Actions To Ignite Your Life & Achieve The Ultimate Comeback.” Tamika currently serves on the steering committee of the National HPV Vaccination Roundtable. She’s also shared her story and experiences on Presidential Cancer Panels convened by the White House. An award-winning television producer, Tamika is currently filming a documentary about cervical cancer, the women living with it, and the vaccine to prevent it.  Her story of patient-to-advocate / survivor-to-Cervivor inspires and mentors not only patients and medical communities, but anyone who has struggled with obstacles in their life.