The New Normal

I don’t know if I can think of a saying I hate more than those three words. I have heard so many people say, with regards to COVID-19, that we need to get use to the new normal. There is nothing normal about any of this. It is not normal for my kids to not be able to have play dates, it is not normal that my kids school shut down and had to switch to distance learning, it is not normal to have to wipe down every single grocery item that gets delivered with Clorox wipes, it is not normal to not be able to hug your friends and family that do not live in your house and it is not normal to not be able to go anywhere. The list can go on. 

I have heard, “this is the new normal”, or “get use to your new normal” when it comes to my cancer journey too. But let me tell you, there is nothing normal about cancer. There is nothing normal about having a radical hysterectomy, there is nothing normal about having nine stent procedures, there is nothing normal about having to self catheterize, there is nothing normal about having a port inserted into your chest, there is nothing normal about losing your hair due to the poison being pumped through your body every three weeks, there is nothing normal about missing your kids’ activities, there is nothing normal about the strain cancer puts on your marriage, there is nothing normal about having a nephrostomy bag, there is nothing normal about the unexplained fatigue and there is absolutely nothing normal about having cancer

You know what does feel normal to me? The constant feeling that I am on a roller coaster except it’s not thrilling. You start off on the ride going extremely fast, your heart is beating out of your chest and you don’t know what is coming up next. Then your ride is steady as you weave around the turns. Up next, you climb the steep hill and then you speed down at full speed and you can’t catch your breath and you’re wondering when is this ride going to end. Right when you think it’s slowing down and you have a grasp on everything, it takes off again and you find yourself going up yet another hill and this time it has loopty loops. This is how I view my current journey with cancer; a roller coaster that I can’t get off and it doesn’t end. A ride that is full of up hill battles and twists and turns at every corner. Despite the gasping for air and the wind in my face feel, I know that this roller coaster is just a detour. The girls love roller coasters and will ride anything they are tall enough for so good thing my roller coaster doesn’t have a height requirement or limit of people because I have the best group of people in my corner. So until my current roller coaster comes to a happy ending, you will find me sitting front row with my arms in the air and the wind in my face. 


Becky was originally diagnosed with cervical cancer in 2018, at age 35, and quickly became an active member of the Cervivor community, joining Facebook Group discussions, attending MeetUps, participating in the September 2019 Cervivor School and becoming a Cervivor Ambassador. She was diagnosed with a recurrence in late-2019, just weeks after returning from Cervivor School. Read her Cervivor story and learn how, amid this most recent diagnosis, her Cervivor Spark and passion to prevent other women from cervical cancer gets stronger each day.

The New Normal is Not For Me

I hate the term “New Normal.” I hate it with all of my being. The “new normal” is something that many people talk about. It refers to what your life is like after cancer. Oncologists, psychologists, radiologists, (basically all the “–ists”), as well as fellow cancer survivors, refer to the “new normal” on a regular basis. Every time I hear the term, it makes my skin crawl.

The “new normal,” is an oxymoron to me. It’s like boneless ribs, a calculated risk, or alternative facts. By definition a “new” normal isn’t normal. It is, however, a new reality.

Speaking as a cervical adenocarcinoma Stage 2 survivor, here are some of the things that people (both doctors and fellow Cervivors) have deemed as a “new normal” after cervical cancer treatment.

Loss of muscle and strength

Due to chemo, radiation and multiple abdominal surgeries I have little to no core strength any more. I can’t carry the same things that I was able to do prior to cancer (including heavy grocery bags) or do the same cardio that I was able to (I still become winded if I talk and walk upstairs at the same time). Most recently I developed severe lower back pain, which is due to my psoas muscle having been cut 5 times in the past 18 months. I have been told that this is “just a side effect” of the lifesaving treatments and surgeries that I endured over the past two years. I am not ok with this. I want to be able to move the way I did prior to cancer, or at the very least, without pain on a daily basis. This is my new normal? No thank you.

Sexual dysfunction and discomfort

Treatment for cervical cancer often involves radiation or a hysterectomy (or in my case, both). Both of these cause scar tissue which can build up in the vagina and make sex uncomfortable or in some cases impossible. Women are told to use dilators to keep their vaginas open, but quite often sexual discomfort is just deemed as part of your new normal and something that you and your partner need to work around. This reality should never be considered normal.

Bladder/Bowel Issues and Ostomy Bags

Because cervical cancer patients receive radiation and surgery so close to their bowel and bladder, quite often these tissues are damaged beyond repair, and in some cases, cancer spreads to these areas. I have undergone bladder reconstructive surgery, which thankfully was a success, so I did not need to have ostomy supplies, such as an ostomy bag (I have been spared this “new normal” for now. However, I know many women for whom this is not the case.) Unfortunately, the surgery has left me with a smaller and more sensitive bladder. I have to pee all the time…even when I have just gone to the bathroom. Not normal.

Anxiety (over every small pain, out of the ordinary symptom and particularly before scan appointments).

After having cancer, every small twinge of pain, every weird mark on my body, every unexplained symptom becomes possible cancer. Eye Twitching? Retinal Cancer. Headache? Brain Cancer. Bruise I don’t remember getting? Blood Cancer. It is exhausting being this worried all the time. But once your seemingly healthy body receives a diagnosis of cancer, you can’t help but think that your body will betray you again. And now that you know what this betrayal means in terms of treatment, the anxiety becomes even worse. Being afraid of your own body is my new reality. But it is not normal. I hate having this feeling of anxiousness all of the time, it’s not how I should be living my second chance at life. My friends have given me countless suggestions on what I can do to help control this anxiety and the one that seems the most popular with people suffering from anxiety is taking CBD products. One of my friends told me that I may want to look at Hybrid Health’s products to see if this is something that I would be interested in. This could be what I need to help control my anxiety. I may give it a look when I can as I just want my anxiety to stop. I want to take back control of my mind, and if this helps me do that then I will consider it. At least there are a lot of options in this area, from private label CBD capsules to edibles and other methods of consumption.

As I write this I worry that people will think I am not grateful for the lifesaving treatments I received. I am eternally indebted to my oncologists and radiologists, urologists and surgeons. They did what they had to do to save my life. But I cannot accept my “new normal.”

I think people use the term “new normal” because they think it will make us feel better. It’s as if the fact that many people feel this way or deal with these things makes them ok. But it isn’t ok. We live in a time where the advances of modern medicine are occurring at an astounding rate. We shouldn’t be complacent that these things are just our “new normal.” We can do better. We need to let our practitioners know that these post-cancer issues, while they may be common, are not acceptable and should not be considered normal. These issues are not simply things we need to learn to live with. They are the current reality for many of us, but perhaps if we all collectively stand up and say, “I am not ok with this new normal!” we will be heard and more research, time and money will be spent to make sure that the life of a cancer survivor isn’t so irrevocably changed that their entire sense of what is normal needs to shift. The things I am dealing with now are my current reality, but I refuse to accept that they are, in any way, normal.

Read more about my story here: https://cervivor.org/stories/ana/