Remembering Erica

Erica is not physically here, but she is entirely present in the very fiber of what we do at Cervivor

Today marks what should have been Cervivor Ambassador Erica Frazier Stum’s 35th birthday. 

She died December 27th, 2018 from cervical cancer. Yet her passion, her fight, and her spirit live on in Cervivor. Her zest for life, and her never backing down when things get tough, live on in me and in so many of us in the Cervivor community. 

Erica told me many times that she did not believe in an afterlife. She believed in THIS life. Even when she was losing hers. Even when cancer was taking her away from us bit by bit, she was living her life and sharing her story. In fact, she created for herself a “living life list” – deliberately not calling it a “bucket list” but rather an active, living and breathing list of experiences she wanted to have and things she wanted to do in what she knew would be a final chapter in her young life.

She did not get to complete all of the items on her living life list. But in me, in you and in Cervivor, her work continues. Her story, her heart and her passion are in the very fiber of what we do at Cervivor each time we support each other, each time we educate, and each time we share our stories. For me, Erica is not physically here…but she is entirely present.

I wrote Erica a birthday letter today and decided to share it with our Cervivor community. Those of you who knew her may share in my thoughts and reflections. Those who are  dealing with cervical cancer or its aftermath can, I hope, take comfort in her story. Those of you who have lost a loved one can I hope share in the appreciation that our loved ones are still with us, even when they are gone. 

Erica would not like the use of terms like “battle” and “lost.” She would not tell you that she was a “fighter.” In her mind, she was simply a “life liver.” She lived with purpose and meaning and passion. ” I tried to do my best to honor her in that way. This is for you, Erica.

Dear Erica,

I remember meeting you. We were in touch via email at first. You were preparing to head to our Cervivor School in San Diego in September 2015. You were sick. I told you not to come, as I was concerned about you getting on a plane. You came anyway. You couldn’t stay away – despite or because of everything, you wanted to more directly engage in our work and our mission. You challenged me. You challenged yourself. You challenged the world. And you changed it. By the end of 2016, you’d attended four Cervivor Schools – to not only keep honing your own advocacy and story-sharing skills, but to serve as a mentor to other Cervivors. In the midst of  dealing with this disease, you became our Lead Cervivor Ambassador. You became one of our most dedicated patient advocates. 

While fighting to end cervical cancer, you were losing your life to it. Yet, even when your diagnosis was clear that the cancer was terminal, you shared, you educated and you advocated. You did this from home, from your hospital bed and then ultimately, from your hospice bed. In your life and in death, you are a testament to why our work matters.

Erica, you would be so proud of Cervivor and all of the work we are doing as a community. Despite this pandemic, we’ve creatively found new ways to connect, educate and support each other. (You would have been all over the virtual scavenger hunts!) You would be so proud of your family. Your husband JR has shared  your story and motivated so many to get the HPV vaccine for themselves and their children. Your parents and siblings remain actively engaged with us, hosting fundraisers and  donning teal and white on Tuesdays then sharing posts on social media to inspire and educate. Your closest friends have shown up in so many ways. Gretchen even got the HPV vaccine. And, yes, they are on message! Mallory makes sure of that. And Wylee. Your son. He’s so big now. You would be so proud. 

Erica, you would be devastated to know that cervical cancer still takes its toll. That women here in the U.S. and around the world are still losing their fertility – and their lives – to this entirely preventable cancer. I know you would be angry as hell. And I know that frustration would fuel you to action. I know you would remind all of us to keep going, and keep educating, sharing and advocating and never give up, no matter how sick and tired (literally and figuratively) we might be. 

You’d be proud of our recent Cervivor School graduates, our Cervivor Ambassadors, our story-sharers, and the members of our online communities who post and share and support in an ongoing conversation that serves as a lifeline for so many of us. There is so much of you in each of them. In all of us.

You are not physically here, but your story, your words, and your message is still comforting people, educating people, changing hearts and saving lives. We miss you.

I miss you. 

Join me in honoring Erica today by creating – or adding to – your own living life list. She’d want us to live fully, embrace new experiences, tackle challenges, support each other, and plug into our skills and passions to end cervical cancer.

Happy Birthday, Erica. 

xo Tamika 

#RememberingErica: Why I Keep Fighting and Never Give Up

She’s gone. 

I knew those two words were coming. I’d known for weeks. But when the text message arrived from Erica’s husband, JR, I wasn’t prepared at all. 

All the special bonding moments we’d shared came flooding through me, as well as grief for all the moments we now wouldn’t get to share. As much as Erica had prepared us for “this” — we weren’t really prepared at all. 

I first met Erica in September 2015 when she attended her first Cervivor School. She wasn’t on the other side of her cancer; she was in the middle of it. Fighting it. In the days leading up to Cervivor School, she hadn’t been feeling well and probably shouldn’t have flown from Indianapolis to San Diego. But she powered through. She showed up every single day of Cervivor School. 

By 2016, she’d attended four Cervivor Schools – to not only keep honing her own advocacy and story-sharing skills, but to serve as a mentor to other Cervivors. She became our Lead Cervivor Ambassador. She became one of the faces of our organization. She became one of our most dedicated patient advocates. And, she became a friend who made a powerful mark on me in the brief time I knew her. She showed me what energy and passion was, even in the face of the worst kind of adversity that cancer can throw you.

Today, December 27th, marks the one year anniversary since the death of Erica Frazier Strum.

Death. 

Erica fought cervical cancer not once, not twice, but three times until it finally took her from us. Yet, even when the diagnosis was clear that the cancer was terminal, she educated and advocated. From her hospital bed and then from her hospice bed, Erica was still telling her story when she could barely move, barely talk.

She understood what it meant to be a Cervivor ambassador – to share, to post, to blog, to record, and to make sure that realities and ravages of cervical cancer could not be ignored. She shared on social media from her hospital bed. She came to our Cervivor Schools between hospitalizations to teach us the importance of never giving up the fight. She shared her story in as many places as possible, lobbying in her home state of Indiana and in Washington, D.C. and advocating for screening, prevention, and more treatment options for metastatic cervical cancer. Amid these activities, she authored a moving children’s book, “Living Life with Mommy’s Cancer,” with her son Wylee to help other families confronting cancer. 

She made her survivorship count. 

Erica received the Indiana Cancer Consortium Survivorship Award and the Indiana Immunization Coalition HPV Champion Award. She was also an advocacy volunteer with the American Cancer Society Cancer Action Network. This was a woman who lived her life fully, even while dying. Even while she knew she was going to die. 

Erica wasn’t just a fellow Cervivor. She was my friend. 

Erica let me glimpse into her life in the most personal of ways. She let me film her as she was getting treatment, and then as she was dying, for a documentary about cervical cancer that I am making. She let me film her in some of her worst, scariest moments. She knew how important it was to share and show and tell.

Cervical cancer is not an easy cancer. 

I’m still in the process of making the documentary, and every time I watch and edit footage of my time with Erica, I’m moved to tears. I’m struck with pain. I’m flush with anger. We keep working to prevent cervical cancer, but my friends keep dying! Even as I’m filming my call-to-action documentary, I sometimes drift to a dark place of wondering, should I just give up?

Erica is one of the reasons why I can’t and won’t abandon this work. Even when I’m tired. Even when I have my own health issues, or another cancer scare (it wasn’t). Even when yet another  Cervivor friend dies from cervical cancer. Even when I crawl into bed sobbing, pull the covers over my head, and wonder, what is the point?

Erica is the point. And the 4,000+ other women in America who die each year from cervical cancer. And the 270,000+ women around the world who die each year from this disease. THEY ARE THE POINT. 

Women are still dying of cervical cancer despite all the advancements that have been made. Through our work, we can prevent cancer in future generations. Even from her hospital bed and hospice bed and literal death bed, Erica tackled that work. She recognized the importance of looking ahead, fighting the fight so that we can stop cervical cancer in its tracks.  

Erica Inspires Our Call to Action

I know if Erica were here today, she’d be working with me to finalize our plans for Cervical Cancer Awareness Month (CCAM) in January. I just know she’d ask. “Are we doing enough?” 

In her book, Erica gave a personal acknowledgement to me for empowering her to share her story. But it is she that I owe a debt of gratitude to, for inspiring me to keep up the fight.

She is my call-to-action. She, and everyone who has lost their lives to this disease, is our catalyst for ongoing advocacy. Her commitment to the mission to end cervical cancer was the inspiration behind my creation of the Cervivor Legacy Award, in her honor.

She lives on in my work. 

She lives on in our work. 

With Cervivor, she lives on. 

Let’s honor her – and all women who have lost their lives to cervical cancer – by stepping up our education and outreach this January for CCAM. Let’s turn this day, December 27th – the anniversary of her death, into a day of action, preparation and commitment to our shared mission. Erica wouldn’t want it any other way. 

Tamika Felder is an 18-year cervical cancer survivor and award-winning women’s health advocate. She is the Chief Visionary at Cervivor – a nonprofit dedicated to cervical cancer advocacy and support. Named a “Cancer Rebel” by Newsweek in a 2017 cover story, Tamika is a highly sought-after speaker on cervical cancer advocacy, cancer prevention, HPV education, and living life with purpose after cancer. She is the author of “Seriously, What Are You Waiting For? 13 Actions To Ignite Your Life & Achieve The Ultimate Comeback.” Tamika currently serves on the steering committee of the National HPV Vaccination Roundtable. She’s also shared her story and experiences on Presidential Cancer Panels convened by the White House. An award-winning television producer, Tamika is currently filming a documentary about cervical cancer, the women living with it, and the vaccine to prevent it.  Her story of patient-to-advocate / survivor-to-Cervivor inspires and mentors not only patients and medical communities, but anyone who has struggled with obstacles in their life.