How my story begins: I grew up babysitting and caring for babies and children for as long as I can remember. Even as an adult, I spend as much time as I can with my Godsons and friends' children to satisfy the desire I feel to be a mother. I always knew I was born to be a mother. I have been single for over 10 years and have tried to remain faithful that God has a plan for my life, even if I don't understand it right now. I have worked as a Child Protective Services Investigator in Alaska and Michigan, and currently work for the state of Michigan with families who have adopted kids out of foster care.
My life started down a different path on Valentine’s Day 2005, when a mass was found in my abdominal cavity. It was determined to be a mucinous cystadenoma (non-cancerous). I had surgery to remove the 17lb. mass along with my right ovary and fallopian tube. It was a hard thing to recover from, but I was happy that no additional damage was done to my reproductive organs and that I had one ovary left, which left me the possibility to have a baby in the future.
In January 2012, cysts were found in my left ovary. I had a laparoscopic surgery to remove the cysts and preserve my fertility. From there, I had ultrasounds every 3-4 months to ensure that my ovary was healthy, producing eggs, and cyst-free.
In July 2012, at my heaviest weight (290lbs.), I made the decision to take control of my life and vowed to become healthy. I began eating better, hired a personal trainer, and began working out multiple times per week. Over the next 3.5 years, I lost 103lbs. and went from a size 20 down to a size 6. It completely changed my entire life. I felt better than I ever had, but there was still something missing in my heart. I was over 30 and nowhere near becoming a mother in the traditional way. I tried to remain patient and smiled through the tough times and hoped each day that it would be the day to change my life. I was fully prepared to begin the journey as a single parent and started doing my research for a donor and what the medical procedures would look like and cost if that was what I decided to do.
On February 19, 2015, I received a phone call from my OBGYN requesting that I come in and talk with her about my test results. I cried and my heart sank as soon as I hung up the phone. I knew if she couldn't tell me the results over the phone, it wasn't good news. That day, as I sat alone, in tears, and terrified in my OBGYN's office, I was told that pre-cancerous cells were found in my cervix and possibly my uterus. I was diagnosed with adenocarcinoma in situ, which is classified as the earliest form of cervical cancer. A hysterectomy was recommended but I knew that wasn't going to be an option as my first choice of treatment because I wanted to carry a baby one day. I understood that the cells were glandular and not squamous like most cervical cancers, which made them more aggressive and deeper in the tissues. It was a blessing that we caught this when we did, but I needed surgery to try and remove the cancerous cells.
How I felt after diagnosis: It was the most devastating news I have ever received. I refused to accept that a hysterectomy at 32 was going to be my fate, but struggled with the thought of having to have chemo and radiation if I sat around and waited to see what happened. I had irrational thoughts of getting pregnant right then and there before I needed chemo or radiation and of course my family and doctors advised against that and said it wasn't possible. I felt broken and damaged. I didn't know why this was happening to me and struggled with "what did I ever do to deserve this?" I was angry with God. I was angry that I had been so careful not to get pregnant irresponsibly growing up. I was sad that I would never be able to have cute maternity pictures taken. I was sad that I would never be able to feel my baby kick. I felt like a piece of my heart had died.
Telling my family and friends: It was so hard to explain to my family. I felt ashamed and dirty because this was caused by HPV. I felt like I was letting them down in a way. I felt like I had done something to deserve this. I felt for a long time that my diagnoses and surgeries were "brushed off" and not thought to be as serious to others as they were to me. I was told "You'll be stronger than ever after all this" and "you should be happy that it was caught when it was" and "you could always adopt" and all of the other cliche statements that people who don't understand tell you.
My treatment: On March 2, 2015, I had my first surgery for the adenocarcinoma in situ. Originally, they thought they removed the cancerous cells from my cervix and they didn't think it had spread to my uterus, but additional findings showed otherwise.
My second surgery was on September 11, 2015. Unfortunately, that surgery wasn't successful in removing the cancerous cells either and a third surgery wasn't possible due to the invasiveness of the first 2 surgeries. I was referred to a Gynecologic Oncologist at the University of Michigan. After exams and MRIs, the doctor discussed with me the need for a hysterectomy. I found out that not only was it highly likely that I had cancerous cells in my uterus, but due to having 2 surgeries in 6 months, the trauma to my uterus and scarring that had taken place, my uterus was basically non-functional and it was unlikely that I would be able to conceive without a lot of medical assistance and I would have an extremely high chance of miscarriage. I was told that the doctor could leave my left ovary to preserve what fertility I had left and to prevent me from being thrown into medical menopause. What he meant by preserving what fertility I had left was that by leaving my left ovary, it would allow me the possibility to have a biological child through egg retrieval, IVF, and gestational surrogacy in the future.
On January 22, 2016, I decided to put an end to my daily fear and cancer battle and agreed to have a hysterectomy and on Thursday, January 28, 2016, at 33 years old, I had a modified radical hysterectomy. This was the 3rd and final surgery in 10 months.
How I felt after treatment: I felt even worse after my hysterectomy. I felt more devastated, more broken, and more damaged. I felt like less of a woman because I would never be able to do what my body was intended to do - grow and birth a child. I wasn't sure where to go after surgery.
What was most difficult for me: Everything. Within 2 months pre/post-op, I had pregnancy announcements by friends and like 6 babies born around me. I remember crying the first time I held my friend's baby after I got home from having surgery. My heart was broken. I still struggle but some days are worse than others. I have some self-worth issues and overloads of emotions sometimes, but I am working on them.
What I did to help myself: I started a blog on Facebook about my surrogacy journey called My Bun. Her Oven. I have reached out to people who understand what cancer, infertility, and surrogacy are like. Some people I don't even know, but it helps to not feel so alone. I have also started seeing a counselor who specializes in these issues as well.
My life after cancer: I have found a passion for advocating for cervical cancer awareness, infertility, and surrogacy. I had my first appointment with the fertility center in May 2016. So much happened at my initial appointment, I left with my head spinning, but had a good feeling. I will be beginning the process of egg retrieval and creating embryos using a donor. I will freeze the embryos and pray that God sends me an angel to carry my baby someday in the near future. I am following Senate Bill 0811 (2016) here in Michigan and hoping that it passes to make a change in the surrogacy laws here (we are a very unfriendly state when it comes to surrogacy). I will remain strong and make sure I speak out not only for myself but for others as well.
Where I am today: The research I have done on gestational carriers/surrogacy in the state of Michigan since my hysterectomy has been very extensive and very disheartening. Although I have an amazing support system and offers from best friends and strangers to carry my baby when the time is right, the stress now surrounds a multitude of things including the lack of surrogacy contract enforcement/acknowledgement in Michigan. The financial cost of infertility procedures and IVF and the serious lack of insurance coverage is exponential and then add in the fact that there is nothing protecting me or my unborn child, who someone else is carrying. Currently, the Michigan laws do not allow compensated surrogacy and from what I have read, there is no legal support for me if the gestational carrier decided against releasing my biological child to me. In the state of Michigan, the legal mother is the one who gives birth to the baby even in the case that there is NO DNA tie. If married, this also makes the gestational carrier's husband, the father, even when he has no DNA tie to the child either.
I am going into this journey with a passion to make a change and I want to make sure my story is heard and that I have a voice for others that don’t right now. This topic went from cervical cancer survival to infertility to surrogacy and people ARE talking and fighting for change. I stated a GoFundMe in February 2016 to help with the infertility treatment and surrogacy costs and soon after sharing my GoFundMe, I was contacted by various media about my surrogacy journey. My story now has been featured by outlets such as Fox47, the Lansing State Journal, the Battle Creek Enquirer, USA Today, the Detroit Free Press, and many other online newspapers.
What I want other women to know: You aren't alone. Ask for help when you need it. Reach out to strangers who offer support...sometimes they turn into awesome friends. Don't give up hope. Advocate. Find a passion and run with it. Make your story and experience heard and help make a change!
How I will try to help others: My hope is that I can figure out how to help the insurance coverage here in Michigan be changed. Infertility treatment is
absolutely absurd and I don't understand why there is coverage for contraception, abortions, vasectomies, and tubal ligation, but almost ZERO to help conceive a child. It's so expensive and completely UNFAIR! I would love to help make a change with that next.
Any additional information you'd like to share: It's humbling to know I am supported and that other people care about these causes and issues as much as I do. These topics are SO important for people like myself. Surrogacy is my ONLY hope of having a biological child. Why should I be denied that? I didn’t ask for cervical cancer. I long to have children and now that is completely out of my control. There are many people out there that would love to help someone in my position, not for the money, but out of love and kindness, but I can’t bring myself to allow a stranger who I do not know carry my baby and not knowing if in 9 months, they will have a change of heart and decide against releasing my child to me. After everything I have been through, that is NOT something I should have to add to my plate to worry about. A pregnancy in any form should be a celebration and full of love and excitement, not fear and anxiety about legal issues.