How my story begins: In the early months of 2024, I started to experience a lot of back pain. I saw a doctor in the spring after much persuasion by my husband and was told I had some arthritis, just do some PT and lose some weight and you’ll feel better. I took up running and I started working out more and I only ever felt relief when I was moving. Once I stopped moving the pain would immediately return.
I soon started to notice bleeding that I’d never experienced before. That summer we took a family vacation to Europe and the back pain persisted but I also began to spot more frequently and when we returned from our vacation the spotting soon became blood clots.
I scheduled an appointment with a gynecologist but they couldn’t see me until October. In the meantime, they sent me for an ultrasound. Eventually the clots became scary and large enough that I called the doctor and they sent me to the emergency room. There, I was told I simply had a couple of cysts and I should take some progesterone to relieve the bleeding but to keep my appointment in October.
When I saw the gynecologist, she barely started my Pap test before sitting me up and saying she wanted to rush my results because she was concerned about what she saw. I remember walking to my car, crying to my husband on the phone, all while several clots rushed out of my body, staining my clothing.
The next day I was referred to an oncologist and scheduled an appointment on my 39th birthday. My oncologist didn’t even need to wait for the biopsy results before telling me he was confident I had cervical cancer.
Life before my diagnosis: Before my diagnosis I felt like my life was finally coming together. I spent my twenties and the majority of my thirties building a rewarding career, developing the best friendships I could possibly ask for and building memories with my family. In the second half of my thirties though, I met my now husband and he introduced me to his kids who I would soon fall in love with as well. We got married and I felt like the final pieces to my puzzle were in place. I was happy, we were building a life, a family and the best memories.
How I felt after diagnosis: After receiving my diagnosis, I felt like my world crashed around me and things began to move quickly. I began to hemorrhage blood at work one day and was hospitalized a few days after receiving my diagnosing and I began chemo and radiation not long after that. It was such a whirlwind I don’t know that I ever got to process any of it but I remember a lot of crying, anxiety, but also gratitude for the people I love during those initial days.
My treatment: I went through five rounds of chemo and 25 radiation sessions followed by inpatient brachytherapy during the active treatment phase and I continue to do infusion treatments currently.
Active treatment was tough. I found radiation to be the hardest physically to manage and there were so many days I prayed to God during radiation for relief from the burns. I’d almost immediately feel guilty because I know so many others have a harder time with treatment than I did. Many of those women I met in the radiation department waiting room and I felt like my weakness was a betrayal to the strength they showed me in our conversations.
What was most difficult for me: Radiation was the most difficult part of treatment for sure but the hardest part for me mentally was not having a support system of people who were experiencing what I was experiencing. I felt a bond with the women I’d met during treatment but those were brief encounters and they didn't last long because while treatment is intense, it’s not often for long periods of time.
I had an amazing support system in my husband, my best friend and my family but I knew they could never really understand what I was feeling and many support groups in my area had fallen to the wayside during the pandemic and they never really came back together so I didn’t have those connections to make. Finding online support groups and communities was the closest thing I could find and while helpful, I spent, and continue to spend, many nights staring into the dark and crying about whatever pain I may be in, what my future may look like and, if I die, how will I be remembered?
What I did to help myself: Preparing for the worst case scenario has been the most helpful to me. While that may sound morose, I find comfort in knowing that my husband is prepared to handle any end of life decisions that need to be made. We’ve made progress in our estate management and I’ve set up parameters to ensure that my cherished belongings and family heirlooms make their way to the people I know will honor and cherish them.
Where I am today: I continue to fight today. I have setbacks and I have progress. I cherish the days where I feel good and I don’t have any pain. I endure the days where my body hurts so much I can barely sleep through the night. I cry and I laugh. I build memories with my loved ones and I look at life through a much clearer lens than I ever have.
What I want other women to know: You are not alone in this fight. Find the people who will sit with you when you need that; build the memories and cherish the moments no matter how small they are.
How I will try to help others: I want to share my story so that anyone diagnosed with cervical cancer knows they aren’t alone and I want to encourage everyone I know who is eligible to receive the HPV vaccine to get it.