How my story begins: I had indescribable pain in my right thigh. It felt like a cramp at first, so I was taking Aleve and not really thinking anything of it. After a week, I started using a heat and cold compress, and it began to be painful to lay on that side, even having to purchase a pillow to sit on to alleviate the pain. After a few days, it started burning, and there was some swelling. I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with bursitis. I was given ibuprofen and muscle relaxers, and it worked... for two weeks.
Both of my legs started to swell, but it eventually just affected my right leg. I started to experience fatigue, and my complexion was darker. My vision was also blurry and dark at one point. I started losing weight, eventually losing 100 pounds. It was a phone call from my father expressing concern about my appearance that caused me to take action.
The extraordinary thing about this was that my dad was diagnosed with glaucoma and was beginning to experience low vision. For him to see me deteriorating was definitely a turning point to go to the hospital. I eventually went back to the hospital four months after my initial visit, and after several tests, I was told I had cancerous cells.
Life before my diagnosis: Life before my diagnosis: I was independent, working with individuals with intellectual disabilities. I was rebuilding my life after many adversities, with alcoholism being a huge factor. I was also recovering from the devastating effects on essential workers during the pandemic. At the beginning of my diagnosis, I was seven years clean from alcohol and living in my new place.
How I felt after diagnosis: I was finally diagnosed with stage 4B in October 2022 after many CAT scans and MRIs. I thought I was going to die because it had already spread to my bones, which explained the excruciating pain. I was angry at myself for not staying on top of my appointments because I knew I had an abnormal Pap smear from five years prior. I chose to ignore it. I thought I deserved to have cancer because of it.
I gave up my place and had to leave my job. I lost my independence.
Telling my family and friends: I was embarrassed to initially say anything because I didn't want to have to ask for help. Part of it was lack of acceptance. I told my immediate family and close friends when I initially was diagnosed. I slowly started revealing to distant relatives and I revealed my diagnosis to everyone via social media in December 2022.
My treatment: I started with cisplatin once a week and radiation five days a week for five weeks. Afterward, I was placed on Keytruda every three weeks. Eventually, the tumor grew to the point where my doctor chose a more aggressive treatment. I started cisplatin and Taxol every 21 days in October 2023. I am currently still in treatment. My tumor has slowly decreased and is stable. The great thing is I rarely have side effects. I have experienced hair loss and have medication in case of nausea, vomiting, or dizziness; however, I haven't really needed them. I believe that has been a tremendous help in continuing my treatment. I've heard some horror stories about people who have had terrible side effects, but I have been extremely lucky.
What was most difficult for me: The most difficult part of this journey has been the many losses I've experienced. I have grieved so much—my independence, my life before cancer, my mother, my grandfather, and many other events and situations. Living in an assisted living facility has been an emotional rollercoaster. I was also diagnosed with menopause at 38. I never planned on having children, but when the option is taken from you, it brings up complicated emotions. Being labeled a childless adult with no way to change the outcome was difficult to process. My self-esteem took a huge hit. I miss the intimacy of having a man in my life—a deep connection. At times, I feel like there's a giant label on my forehead, and I wonder if a man will ever love me on an intimate level again. But I'm working on loving myself more and putting myself first.
What I did to help myself: One of the best things I’ve done, besides fighting through chemo and radiation, is beginning my spiritual journey. It has definitely been an up-and-down process because there are so many aspects of my thinking that need healing. I also have a therapist, and I communicate more now than I ever have before. As an introvert, learning to express how I feel has been a big step forward for me.
Where I am today: Right now, I am working on my mental health and trying to obtain my independence again. I don't want to be miserable. I don't want to die, but I refuse to just exist. I would like to get married and I would love to do everything I dreamed of and live out my purpose.
What I want other women to know: Please stay up to date with your GYN visits. There were many times I had abnormal Pap smears, ignored the signs, and never followed up with my doctor. Could my cancer have been prevented? Absolutely! However, I choose not to dwell on that negative thinking. I'm focused on getting stronger. I'm so proud of how far I've come, and I pray that I will live a long life filled with purpose. My cancer doesn’t define me—it’s just a chapter in my story.
How I will try to help others: Sharing my story will definitely help others. I do get nervous at times because some people on social media have accused me of trauma dumping. But I’ve learned that some people are just negative, and their words are meant to make me stronger. I’ve also learned to stand up for myself more.