How I felt when I heard about Heather’s diagnosis: Shocked. Confused. How could Heather, my vibrant 28-year-old friend since freshman year of high school, have a potentially fatal disease? I was determined to help her beat cervical cancer and get back her health. She had so much more life to live.
How I supported her: I wrote a story for Jane Magazine, where I worked, and used the opportunity to research treatments and anything else that might help her. I also tried to be there for her as much as possible – bringing food and fun distractions to the hospital (games, costumes for Halloween), giving her foot rubs, singing her favorite songs, listening to her thoughts and fears, crying on her shoulder, letting her cry on mine. She was not alone; her other close friends, little sister, and family (even her childhood cat!) wouldn’t allow it.
What I found most difficult: Accepting that she wasn’t going to survive was incredibly tough. Even in the last couple of weeks, many of us were still trying to figure out how to beat the disease. We all needed more time. Once Heather moved to hospice in her final days, we shared some intensely meaningful moments that stay with me today – almost 20 years later! Saying goodbye was heartbreaking, but I know she couldn’t keep fighting and finally found peace.
What I would tell others helping loved ones go through a diagnosis:
- Listen to whatever your loved one needs or wants to share.
- Also, listen to what the doctors are telling her – even take notes. That way, you can digest it all later and ask the right questions.
- Be your loved one’s best advocate. If a second (or third) opinion is needed, make it happen.
- If possible, help them navigate the healthcare system maze. It can be incredibly overwhelming, on top of going through treatment.
What I learned from Heather during this time: What bravery really is. Facing cervical cancer with such honesty, grace, and humor isn’t easy. She will always be my hero. My other heroines are all the Cervivors out there. I’m honored to be the organization’s Communications Director now. Let’s keep up the good fight!
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