How my story begins: After my divorce from a very abusive marriage of 12 years, I moved me and my four children to Greenville, SC to start over. I was working a full time job and just really enjoying life with my children. I joined a local roller derby team soon after moving and loved every minute of it! Life couldn't have been better. Then one day, out of the blue, I started to have pain in my lower pelvic area that felt almost felt like period cramps. As time passed on I started to have pain creeping up my lower back that made it hard for me to skate. At the time I just thought it was because I was getting older. I had just turned 30 and thought it was just a part of life, but as time progressed I started bleeding and the pain worsened. I didn’t have insurance at the time so I went to a local clinic that told me it was a urinary tract infection and sent me home with antibiotics. As weeks went on it only got worse. Then I was profusely bleed during intercourse and was having a slight, clear, almost urine-like substance leaking from me. So again I went back to the clinic where I was told that after having four children that I was going to have “bladder issues“ such as slight leakage. They suggested I could even possibly have to get a "bladder tack" and referred me to a family doctor, but was unable to keep the appointment because of the amount of money they wanted to see me - as I didn't have insurance.
As the pain and bleeding worsened I had to put my skating on the back burner. It was even hard to maintain daily activities. After one very painful day on a family trip, I ended up going to the local ER where they preformed an ultrasound and said it looked as though I may have cyst and that was where all my problems were coming from. I would later make two more ER trips with different diagnoses within that year.
Finally it became so bad after a year of having all these problems, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I returned to the ER barely able to stand up. At that point the doctor did a Pap test and after came back in the room after only a few minutes to tell me he couldn’t diagnosis me there in the ER, but that he was sure I had cervical cancer because he could actually feel the tumor coming down from my cervix into my vaginal cavity. He sent me the next day to the gynecologist. At the office, they did a biopsy and I was sent directly to the gynecologist where I was told I had stage 2b cervical cancer. I immediately started treatment with 9 weeks of external radiation with cisplatin plus they fit 5 weeks of internal radiation into one week which left me very very sick and hospitalized. But it all seemed to work and I was pronounced "in remission" several weeks later.
I started to enjoy life again over the next three months when one day I started to get that pain back along with the clear liquid secretions. At a follow-up appointment with my oncologist I had a PET scan and was told not only was my cancer back, but it was now a stage 4 with lymph node invasion. I would have to undergo several rounds of chemo but that at this point I was looking at 6 to 12 months.
Life before my diagnosis: I have four beautiful children. I was a single mother busy with working taking care of the kids, skating for our local roller derby group URGE, and living a good life. I was recently divorced at age 28 after a 12 year abusive marriage and had moved to Greenville, SC and started my life over. I had become mentally, physically and financially independent and was creating a stable environment for my children. It felt so good to finally understand what happiness truly was.
How I felt after diagnosis: My heart sank, I was confused and scared . Everything was happening so fast. It was like I didn’t even know how to feel and didn’t even have time to process it all before having to start treatment.
Telling my family and friends: I didn’t know where to start. My heart sank as I prepared myself to tell my children and family. I prayed. I prayed a lot. The first person I told was my mother - who kept up good spirits about it all and had nothing but encouraging words. The next was how to tell my children. I sat them all down and tried to explain what was happening and what they could expect to happen over the next few months. They all started to cry. I tried my best to stay strong, but after I had gotten them all to bed I broke down and got on my knees and prayed. Telling my “friends” was a hit or miss type situation. Some said “I'm so sorry” with words of encouragement, some didn’t know what to say, and I was even told by a person that "at least I had a 'good cancer'” and that I was going to be fine...
My treatment: I fought hard over the next year and half as I went through chemo, losing 75 lbs and being in and out of the hospital while still trying to maintain my life with my children. I was a single mother of four children and had moved hours away from my family. I did every one of my treatments after my first alone. I drove myself to and from chemo and radiation. Many nights I spent on the bathroom floor trying not to be too loud so that my children wouldn’t hear. I had to allow them to go stay with their dad for days and days at a time because I was in the hospital. After a long and hard fight, I was finally told in February 2020 that I had BEAT my cancer! It was like a miracle had occurred and I was thought I was free ... little did I know the after effects of treatment. They don’t warn you about those! I had A LOT of radiation damaged to my stomach and pelvic area.
How I felt after treatment: The first few days after hearing I was in remission were great even though I was still very sick and weak. I was grateful and happy. But then something else creeped in. It was like I had been fighting for so long and so hard with motivation to beat my cancer that when it was “over,” I didn’t know what to do. I felt like an empty shell. I became depressed and started to have anxiety attacks. And because I had done all of my treatments for the most part all by myself, I had become isolated and withdrawn the people I thought a would and should have been there the most. I felt very alone and hurt and resentful.
What was most difficult for me: Difficult for me was letting go of all the emotions that came and went with the entire process over the past four years. And the fear of was it going to come back in the future.
My life after cancer: I started having the “after effects.” I had zero sex drive and cringed at the thought of even having any kind of those intimate moments. I was pulled into menopause but still had the pains of “period cramps” because of the scar tissue. I ended up having to have an irreversible colostomy placed and a permanent left kidney stent that has to be replaced every 3 months. I had so much scar tissue from the radiation that I was told the chronic pain I was experiencing would always be there. I was in and out of the hospital due to septic infections because I had a PICC line placed after removing my port because I required IV total parenteral nutrition. My body wasn’t absorbing the nutrients it needed due to my stomach and intestinal issues.
I was then extremely sick for the next year barely able to get out of bed. The last time I was in the hospital was for a total of 28 days. After having multiple teams of doctors and a very long heartfelt prayer to God ("please just allow me to have 'normal days' and that I will turn it all over to Him if I am just able to be healthy once more and start to put the past behind me and move forward"), I finally started to heal. A week before I left the hospital I started to feel better. It was like over night I woke up and the pain was manageable. I was able to eat normally again and didn’t live in constant horrible pain.
Where I am today: I am so grateful and blessed to say that, after leaving the hospital, God has turned my life around and I am blessed each and every day. I am finally able to take back my life and heal and able to laugh again. I am able to wake up every morning and do the things I took for granted before cancer like cooking or cleaning or even getting out of bed and without any IVs, PICC lines or ports. Me and my children have once again found happiness and joy in our lives and enjoy every minute of it! I appreciate the strength God has given me to endure it all and come out of it and become the person I am today!
What I want other women to know: You are NOT ALONE! There are others of us out there! You don’t have to face it all by yourself!
How I will try to help others: I spread awareness wherever possible by educating others on early detection of cervical cancer. I encourage others to make sure to get your regular Pap test and I talk about the importance of the HPV vaccine. I am also a part of several groups on Facebook where we talk about our experiences and try to share hope, strength, and inspiration with others.
Any additional information you'd like to share: Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share my story . Finding this website was an overwhelming feeling of joy! To hear others stories and to find other TEAL SISTERS that truly understand means so much!