How my story begins: My story begins at my first ultrasound. We saw our baby for the first time and the heartbeat was strong. We were two years out from a miscarriage and trying on and off. My OBGYN did a pap test during my visit and told me everything looked good and normal. I hadn’t heard anything about my pap for about three weeks so I figured no news was good news and I would get the results at my next appointment. My OBGYN told me that if I hadn’t heard anything, chances are it came back normal and the results were usually back in a week. During the next few weeks the world shut down due to COVID-19 including my employer who decided to shut down for the time being to keep us all safe. The interview my husband had went great but they also were at a stand still. The Wednesday before my next appointment, my OBGYN called and the results of my Pap came back abnormal and they would like to do a colposcopy. She explained to me that it appeared I have HPV and during pregnancy it can flare up, and not to worry. So I didn’t worry. My 12 week appointment arrived and we did the colposcopy. While in there, my OBGYN tells me that I have a polyp on my cervix and she was going to take a biopsy. Again I was told these are seen often and tend to be nothing. Again don’t worry. I was told results would be back in 3-5 business days. Two days later the call came in saying that the tumor came back adenocarcinoma in situ and she was referring me to the GYN oncologist in town to get a better idea on what to do. During that conversation she did let me know if it was adenocarcinoma in situ then we will do another Pap after giving birth and go from there. But if it was cancer then she didn’t know what the next steps were.
The oncologist's office called a few hours later and got me in the next day. My husband and I went together (luckily their office would let him in with me). We waited for a good hour before seeing the oncologist. When in the room, the nurse takes my vitals and assures us the oncologist takes his time with all his patients and that he would be in in a few minutes. What seemed like an eternity the oncologist finally made his way to the room. He answered all our questions and then told me if it is cancer, you will need to decide to keep your baby, risk spread or terminate the pregnancy and treat right away, which is what he recommends. He took a look and told me he was 99% positive it was cancer but we should do a leep procedure before making any decisions. I was then scheduled for the leep two days later.
The hospital in our area allowed one person to wait with you prior to surgery and could then wait in the waiting room during surgery so my husband came with me. The leep procedure was done on a Friday and was uneventful. The following Tuesday morning I saw I missed a call from a blocked number. There was a voicemail from my oncologist asking to call back. The office didn't open until 8 am and it was 6 am when I saw the voicemail. While I waited to call, I checked my patient portal and saw that my oncologist posted the results. Endocervical adenocarcinoma. Now I knew I had cancer before talking to the oncologist and I was devastated. I didn't speak to my doctor until his call at 4:30 pm. I told him that the results were sent to me and he almost seemed more concerned about the fact they got sent to me than the situation I was in. He recommended I get an MRI which was safe since I was pregnant. He again told me he recommended I just terminate the pregnancy and treat the cancer. I told him I wanted the MRI first before making that decision.
A few days later I was in for my MRI and it went smoothly and I was back in the oncologist's office. He came in to give me the good news that the cancer didn’t appear to me in my lymph nodes but we needed to decide what we wanted to do. We would either keep the pregnancy and deliver my baby eight weeks early treating the cancer after or terminate my pregnancy and treat right away. I wanted a second opinion from UCSF. We weren’t able to go there in person but we were able to do an appointment through telemedicine.
The day of the telemedicine appointment was so nerve wrecking. I didn’t know if I was going to hear the same thing or if they would have other options for me. UCSF requested all my biopsy samples and MRI images so they could have their own pathologist and radiologist review everything. Once I met the oncologist, she confirmed that I did in fact have adenocarcinoma and it wasn’t in my lymph nodes. She advised us that they had a panel of nine doctors to review my case and give us all of our options. She confirmed the previous oncologist was right about the two options he presented but there was also a third option. I could receive chemo that was previously given to pregnant women with cancer. It is safe and doesn’t cross through the placenta. They would still recommend early delivery via c-section but it would be six weeks early. We decided to go with the third option. The oncologist that I originally saw would have to watch over my case due to traveling restrictions from COVID.
Life before my diagnosis: It was really good at its peak. My husband and I were in the best place in our relationship that we had ever been. We were expecting our first child, which was so so exciting. I had an amazing job with the most amazing boss and co-workers a gal could ask for and my husband had an interview with the job of his dreams too.
How I felt after diagnosis: I was devastated after I first found out about my diagnosis. I felt dirty, helpless, like a failure. I felt like I must have done something horrible to deserve all this. I was feeling worthless. Then to hear that my best route was to terminate something I wanted for so long I felt like I wasn’t worthy of being a mother.
After speaking with the doctor for my second opinion I felt hopeful but stressed because I was going to be under the supervision of a doctor that didn’t even try to give my all my options. I didn’t really have trust in him. I was pregnant and going to be going through chemo and I was scared for both my unborn baby and myself.
Telling my family and friends: Telling my friends and family was devastating for all of them but they rallied. I honestly had never felt more loved than after I had told them. People gathered around to help in any way they could: from my church bringing my husband and I meals, to my friends and family just texting every day or buying us things we needed. I had an amazing team by my side.
My treatment: My treatment started off with chemotherapy of Carboplatin and Taxol every three weeks for five treatments. The nurses and pharmacy at the hospital were so amazing. They triple checked all of my medications and checked on me constantly. No one was allowed to bring a family member with them for their treatments, but they allowed me to. I completed my five treatments, lost my hair, but for the most part was very healthy during treatment. I didn’t get any nausea, diarrhea or exhaustion. I did, however, get very itchy for a few days about two weeks after each treatment.
Two weeks after my last chemo we delivered my healthy premie baby boy via c section. He was six weeks early and he was in the NICU for three weeks but he was healthy. He just needed to catch up with feeding and his weight. Four weeks after I delivered, I went in for a PET/CT scan. The results showed that two lymph nodes did take the radiation so my treatment plan changed. Originally, we thought it would be a radical hysterectomy and that would be it, but the doctor decided since lymph nodes lit up on the scan that it was too risky to do surgery. He said if I had surgery and then found out I needed chemo and radiation after the surgery, the side effects would be really bad (especially with a newborn). We decided to go with doing do the radiation and chemo without the surgery.
I started my 25 rounds of external radiation, five rounds brachytherapy and five rounds of Cisplatin chemotherapy about six weeks after delivering my son. The beginning of this treatment started out rough. I didn’t have any reaction to my first chemo so silly me thought I didn’t need to take my anti-nausea medications with the second round. Needless to say, I got pretty sick that first week but what kicked my butt this round was the radiation. I was exhausted with a newborn and a husband that checked out. I moved in with my parents to help with my boy. Luckily my stepdad was able to take FMLA and my mom was only working two days a week. Between the two of them I had help every day. I could eat, I slept most days, but I missed a lot of time with my baby. About 20 treatments into my external radiation everything started to burn down there. I got a UTI at the end of my external radiation. By the first day of my brachytherapy, I was so burnt from external radiation and my UTI's that it pretty much traumatized me, along with the doctor and nurses. It was the most painful thing I have ever felt. They gave me 150mcg of fentanyl and it didn’t touch me. I was put on antibiotics and thankfully by my next treatment things had cleared up and it wasn’t nearly as bad. The exhaustion and inability to eat still remained. That stuck around until about two months after I finished my treatment.
How I felt after treatment: Exhausted!!!!! I was still exhausted two months after my treatment. I was taking daily naps and was also anxious. I was done with treatment but didn't know if it was working. I couldn’t get my next CT for three months after my last brachytherapy. It was a waiting game.
What was most difficult for me: The second treatment with the chemotherapy and the radiation was the hardest on me physically. I would say this entire process has taken its toll on me emotionally. I am still depressed to this day and I cry because I lost my fertility. I will never be able to provide my son a sibling and that has really affected me.
What I did to help myself: At the beginning, I reached out to a charity group that helped us financially. I called and texted people constantly and went on car rides. I couldn’t do much more because of COVID.
The second time I got into counseling to help with my depression and figure out why my husband dropped me in the middle of my journey. After I finished with the radiation portion I joined a fitness center that has groups for cancer patients to work out together. I have a wonderful group of ladies that I can vent to and share my story with. They understand everything I am going through. That truly was my lifesaver, along with my baby boy.
Where I am today: My son and I are still living with my parents. My husband wants to make things work, but mentally I don’t know if I will ever be able to trust him. He left us when we needed him the most. I can say my health is good. My biopsies came back clear, and I see my oncologist every three months. I am in the best shape of my life with working out. My bowel movements haven’t been the same since radiation and not sure they ever will be.
Mentally, I am struggling. People don’t reach out as much. I am raising my son on my own. The doctor talks about getting my vagina "in a good place" by using my dilator. I don’t even want to think about sex. I feel like that’s what got me here. I am having a hard time still.
What I want other women to know: You have to be an advocate for your own health and no matter how uncomfortable those appointments are for your routine Paps, get it done anyway. This is preventable and you don’t have to go through this.
For those going through it, don't blame yourself. You are beautiful and you are strong. The best thing you can do is get into a gym or workout class. Find other cancer patients to talk to. They don’t even need to be cervical cancer patients. Just someone who understands what you are going through.
How I will try to help others: I will help people by getting my story out there. Although it begins by me not getting my Pap tests like I should have, it ends with me not settling with the first treatment plan and seeking a second option. If I had, neither myself nor my son would be here. It is so important to be an advocate for your own health. Get your routine screenings and get a second option if you don’t feel like you've been given all of your options.