cervical cancer

Erica is not physically here, but she is entirely present in the very fiber of what we do at Cervivor

Today marks what should have been Cervivor Ambassador Erica Frazier Stum’s 35th birthday. 

She died December 27th, 2018 from cervical cancer. Yet her passion, her fight, and her spirit live on in Cervivor. Her zest for life, and her never backing down when things get tough, live on in me and in so many of us in the Cervivor community. 

Erica told me many times that she did not believe in an afterlife. She believed in THIS life. Even when she was losing hers. Even when cancer was taking her away from us bit by bit, she was living her life and sharing her story. In fact, she created for herself a “living life list” – deliberately not calling it a “bucket list” but rather an active, living and breathing list of experiences she wanted to have and things she wanted to do in what she knew would be a final chapter in her young life.

She did not get to complete all of the items on her living life list. But in me, in you and in Cervivor, her work continues. Her story, her heart and her passion are in the very fiber of what we do at Cervivor each time we support each other, each time we educate, and each time we share our stories. For me, Erica is not physically here…but she is entirely present.

I wrote Erica a birthday letter today and decided to share it with our Cervivor community. Those of you who knew her may share in my thoughts and reflections. Those who are  dealing with cervical cancer or its aftermath can, I hope, take comfort in her story. Those of you who have lost a loved one can I hope share in the appreciation that our loved ones are still with us, even when they are gone. 

Erica would not like the use of terms like “battle” and “lost.” She would not tell you that she was a “fighter.” In her mind, she was simply a “life liver.” She lived with purpose and meaning and passion. ” I tried to do my best to honor her in that way. This is for you, Erica.

Dear Erica,

I remember meeting you. We were in touch via email at first. You were preparing to head to our Cervivor School in San Diego in September 2015. You were sick. I told you not to come, as I was concerned about you getting on a plane. You came anyway. You couldn’t stay away – despite or because of everything, you wanted to more directly engage in our work and our mission. You challenged me. You challenged yourself. You challenged the world. And you changed it. By the end of 2016, you’d attended four Cervivor Schools – to not only keep honing your own advocacy and story-sharing skills, but to serve as a mentor to other Cervivors. In the midst of  dealing with this disease, you became our Lead Cervivor Ambassador. You became one of our most dedicated patient advocates. 

While fighting to end cervical cancer, you were losing your life to it. Yet, even when your diagnosis was clear that the cancer was terminal, you shared, you educated and you advocated. You did this from home, from your hospital bed and then ultimately, from your hospice bed. In your life and in death, you are a testament to why our work matters.

Erica, you would be so proud of Cervivor and all of the work we are doing as a community. Despite this pandemic, we’ve creatively found new ways to connect, educate and support each other. (You would have been all over the virtual scavenger hunts!) You would be so proud of your family. Your husband JR has shared  your story and motivated so many to get the HPV vaccine for themselves and their children. Your parents and siblings remain actively engaged with us, hosting fundraisers and  donning teal and white on Tuesdays then sharing posts on social media to inspire and educate. Your closest friends have shown up in so many ways. Gretchen even got the HPV vaccine. And, yes, they are on message! Mallory makes sure of that. And Wylee. Your son. He’s so big now. You would be so proud. 

Erica, you would be devastated to know that cervical cancer still takes its toll. That women here in the U.S. and around the world are still losing their fertility – and their lives – to this entirely preventable cancer. I know you would be angry as hell. And I know that frustration would fuel you to action. I know you would remind all of us to keep going, and keep educating, sharing and advocating and never give up, no matter how sick and tired (literally and figuratively) we might be. 

You’d be proud of our recent Cervivor School graduates, our Cervivor Ambassadors, our story-sharers, and the members of our online communities who post and share and support in an ongoing conversation that serves as a lifeline for so many of us. There is so much of you in each of them. In all of us.

You are not physically here, but your story, your words, and your message is still comforting people, educating people, changing hearts and saving lives. We miss you.

I miss you. 

Join me in honoring Erica today by creating – or adding to – your own living life list. She’d want us to live fully, embrace new experiences, tackle challenges, support each other, and plug into our skills and passions to end cervical cancer.

Happy Birthday, Erica. 

xo Tamika 

Beads with a Purpose: To “Feel that Person in Your Heart”

When Chanel’s mother passed in 2018 of a heart condition, she was beside herself with grief. When Chanel had gone through her cervical cancer treatment, her mother had been her rock of support. “My mom was the first person I called when I found out. She slept with me in the hospital. She cooked for me and my family while I was recovering.” Her grief launched Chanel down a unique path of remembering loved ones, celebrating survivorship and celebrating life.

“I was reading an article about dealing with grief, and one piece of advice it gave was to take up a hobby,” said Chanel. “I love jewelry and accessories, so I bought some beads, watched some classes on YouTube and started making bracelets and necklaces.”

Today, her bracelets celebrate the fight against cervical cancer and memorialize those we’ve lost.

“At first, I started making my bracelets in all colors. Then I found some cancer awareness charms online and incorporated those. Then cervical cancer awareness month rolled around, and I went teal and white.” Today, her whole workspace is teal and white. “I even found a teal desk chair,” Chanel shared proudly.

As she crafted, her bracelets became more personal.

Chanel felt alone when going through her cervical cancer treatments in 2013 (read Chanel’s Cervivor Story) until she found Cervivor’s Facebook page. She posted, looking for women close to her in Atlanta. A fellow Cervivor, Teolita, replied right away. They connected, chatted and befriended each other. Teolita and her mother were planning a cervical cancer awareness event and extended an invitation. Chanel attended, armed with teal and white bracelets “to give out and to bless women with.” She, Teolita and Deborah – another Cervivor in the area who she quickly bonded with – took a photo together, smiling proudly about the successful event at which they were able to share their stories and educate about cervical cancer prevention.

Today, that photo sits on Chanel’s desk.

Today, Chanel is the only one of the three still with us.

Teolita passed in August 2019. Deborah just recently lost her battle with cervical cancer in April 2020.

“It hits me hard, every time I look at that picture. I am the last one. ‘Don’t go into survivor’s remorse,’ my pastor counseled me. I figured the Lord must have a reason for me to still be here. I knew I needed to be active in the cervical cancer survivor community and to get the word out about cervical cancer prevention. I knew that was what Teolita and Deborah would want.” She made use of her photo to make charms, then made a bracelet with a photo charm of Teolita, a photo charm of Deborah, and angel wings. She shared them with their families. She saw the meaning it brought.

Today, Chanel is a passionate advocate for cervical cancer prevention. And, her bracelet making has become a small business as she fills orders for photo charm bracelets and survivorship bracelets from members of her church, her friends, Cervivors, and for people who find her on Facebook or Instagram. Chanel’s bracelets are not just for memorial purposes, but also to celebrate survivorship – like the bracelets she’s made with a boxing glove charm and the words “fighter” and “survivor.”

“These bracelets have meaning. That’s why I love doing this. When you wear them, you feel something in your heart.”

The memorial bracelets in particular are her special way to support people grieving.

“I don’t make these so that people should feel sad. I make them so that people can feel that person in their heart, can still feel close to the person and can still cherish their memory. I love making these because I know what they can mean to someone.”

“People have told me they often cry when they receive my bracelets. But I’m not trying to make people cry. I’m trying to celebrate life.”

Chanel lives in Conyers, GA and is always looking to connect with Cervivors in the area. Read her Cervivor Story and see more of her bracelets on her Facebook or Instagram.