Cervivor Stories

Beads with a Purpose: To “Feel that Person in Your Heart”

When Chanel’s mother passed in 2018 of a heart condition, she was beside herself with grief. When Chanel had gone through her cervical cancer treatment, her mother had been her rock of support. “My mom was the first person I called when I found out. She slept with me in the hospital. She cooked for me and my family while I was recovering.” Her grief launched Chanel down a unique path of remembering loved ones, celebrating survivorship and celebrating life.

“I was reading an article about dealing with grief, and one piece of advice it gave was to take up a hobby,” said Chanel. “I love jewelry and accessories, so I bought some beads, watched some classes on YouTube and started making bracelets and necklaces.”

Today, her bracelets celebrate the fight against cervical cancer and memorialize those we’ve lost.

“At first, I started making my bracelets in all colors. Then I found some cancer awareness charms online and incorporated those. Then cervical cancer awareness month rolled around, and I went teal and white.” Today, her whole workspace is teal and white. “I even found a teal desk chair,” Chanel shared proudly.

As she crafted, her bracelets became more personal.

Chanel felt alone when going through her cervical cancer treatments in 2013 (read Chanel’s Cervivor Story) until she found Cervivor’s Facebook page. She posted, looking for women close to her in Atlanta. A fellow Cervivor, Teolita, replied right away. They connected, chatted and befriended each other. Teolita and her mother were planning a cervical cancer awareness event and extended an invitation. Chanel attended, armed with teal and white bracelets “to give out and to bless women with.” She, Teolita and Deborah – another Cervivor in the area who she quickly bonded with – took a photo together, smiling proudly about the successful event at which they were able to share their stories and educate about cervical cancer prevention.

Today, that photo sits on Chanel’s desk.

Today, Chanel is the only one of the three still with us.

Teolita passed in August 2019. Deborah just recently lost her battle with cervical cancer in April 2020.

“It hits me hard, every time I look at that picture. I am the last one. ‘Don’t go into survivor’s remorse,’ my pastor counseled me. I figured the Lord must have a reason for me to still be here. I knew I needed to be active in the cervical cancer survivor community and to get the word out about cervical cancer prevention. I knew that was what Teolita and Deborah would want.” She made use of her photo to make charms, then made a bracelet with a photo charm of Teolita, a photo charm of Deborah, and angel wings. She shared them with their families. She saw the meaning it brought.

Today, Chanel is a passionate advocate for cervical cancer prevention. And, her bracelet making has become a small business as she fills orders for photo charm bracelets and survivorship bracelets from members of her church, her friends, Cervivors, and for people who find her on Facebook or Instagram. Chanel’s bracelets are not just for memorial purposes, but also to celebrate survivorship – like the bracelets she’s made with a boxing glove charm and the words “fighter” and “survivor.”

“These bracelets have meaning. That’s why I love doing this. When you wear them, you feel something in your heart.”

The memorial bracelets in particular are her special way to support people grieving.

“I don’t make these so that people should feel sad. I make them so that people can feel that person in their heart, can still feel close to the person and can still cherish their memory. I love making these because I know what they can mean to someone.”

“People have told me they often cry when they receive my bracelets. But I’m not trying to make people cry. I’m trying to celebrate life.”

Chanel lives in Conyers, GA and is always looking to connect with Cervivors in the area. Read her Cervivor Story and see more of her bracelets on her Facebook or Instagram.

Here I Go Again On My Own: Quarantining (Again!) in 2020

Cervical cancer survivor, graphic designer, frequent journal-er, and now published author Andrea Bonhiver has been experiencing “quarantine flashbacks” amid the current COVID-19 pandemic:

“I spent March 7 to April 22, 2019 basically quarantined in my apartment after surgery for cervical cancer. Here I go again in 2020! Who would’ve thought?”

The feelings of trauma that come with having cervical cancer are VERY similar to what many people are experiencing during this pandemic, Andrea reminds us. “I lived with these feelings of anxiety and uncertainty on a pretty constant basis for 2 years: 

✓  A scary diagnosis. 

✓  Living with something that is potentially life-threatening. 

✓  Not being able to do the things you’d normally do as freely as you’d like. 

✓ Fear and uncertainty about EVERYTHING. 

✓ Questioning everything in my body that feels a little bit ‘off’ and constantly wondering “is that normal?” (As in: My breathing feels tight. Is that a symptom? Is the cancer spreading? Do I have COVID-19?!)”

Amid the physical isolation that many are living through to protect themselves from COVID-19, Andrea doesn’t want anybody – especially not cervical cancer survivors – to feel alone. Certainly not the type of alone that she felt when she received her cervical cancer diagnosis. She’d gone looking for hope and information “in the blue light of the internet” but found mostly “scholarly articles, or scary ones about the invasive and painful treatments I might need, or about survival and recurrence rates. Cold hard facts but very few real-life stories.”

So she wrote her own. Not just as a Cervivor story for our website, but a book: The Cervical Cancer Companion – written to help others “process the trauma of cancer as you experience it.”

Now, Andrea is looking back on her post-hysterectomy, post-surgery isolation to share tips on how to get through the anxiety and isolation many are feeling with the current COVID-19 quarantine.  

Andrea’s quarantine tips for our Cervivor community:

1. Create a “What If” journal. When you feel overwhelmed by the uncertainty and fear, sit down and just let it all out. Bullet out a list of everything you’re afraid of and worried about. Irrational or fully logical. Let it all go. Then go back and try to come up with a statement for each one. “If this happens, then_____________.” You might find that the outcome of each worst fear is not as catastrophic as you have imagined in your mind. And if it is? You *will* make it through.

2. If you need help? ASK FOR IT. I am not at all surprised that as a society we have risen up to support and encourage one another. I saw this first-hand throughout my cancer journey and it was a real window into just how GOOD and SELFLESS people can be. People want to help because they’ve been helped by others, too. Don’t be afraid. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it takes guts and if that’s not strong, I don’t know what is.

3. Know that you will grow through this. There are always things to be learned. Areas of our hearts and character will deepen and be strengthened through this. Getting stronger and becoming better people is never not painful, but is always a positive thing.

4. Remember that psychological and emotional trauma takes a toll on cognition. EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED. We should not expect our memories to work as well as they did before, nor should we expect ourselves to be able to recall all of the information we had at front of mind before. Go easy on yourself. Lower your expectations for yourself. Do your best.

5. Tend to your emotional health. Check in with yourself. Ask yourself what you need. Write. Pray. Cry. Laugh with friends over Facetime. Grieve if you need to. Rejoice if you want to. Just don’t act like nothing has happened.

6. Manage “The Wait.” I created a few pillars of self-care during “The Wait.” When you have cancer, “The Wait” is the time between your test/treatment/surgery and receiving the results. It’s long, it’s miserable, it’s anxiety-inducing. So we need distractions. For this 2020 Pandemic, the shelter in place orders are our “Wait.” Here are those pillars that I think can get us through:

  • Support: Who can you call/visit with? Make a list.
  • Counseling: There are counselors all over the country doing Facetime sessions, if you are struggling. There are also counseling and meditation apps that are helpful.
  • Movies/TV: Don’t shame yourself for seeking a mental escape. It’s necessary to give your brain a break in times like this. I personally found it comforting to watch shows set in other time periods, or movies I enjoyed from my childhood.
  • Books: Many libraries have an app called Libby where you can check out ebooks and audiobooks if you run out of books in your home.
  • Music: Make a playlist of songs you find uplifting, soothing, or calming. Go to it when you feel overwhelmed.
  • Move Your Body: Many of us can’t do this during or while recovering from treatment, but if you can, go on walks! Do some gentle yoga. Find ways to bring motion to your system and shake off the anxiety. 

7. Grief and Gratefulness: These themes will carry us through this tragic season in our world. Make a list of what you’re grieving and another list of what you’re grateful for. Keep adding to it every day. Eventually, I believe our gratefulness will outweigh our grief. ONE DAY.

How are you surviving quarantine? And if you are in a place that isn’t under “stay at home” orders, how are you managing any COVID-19 related anxiety? Do you have a unique experience with it as a result of your experiences with cervical cancer diagnosis and treatment? If so, please share with Cervivor via the comments below or email [email protected] 

Andrea Bonhiver lives in Minneapolis with her husband and dog. Diagnosed with adenocarcinoma in situ at age 33, Andrea journaled throughout her cervical cancer diagnosis and radical hysterectomy as a way to process her emotions and release her “anger and heartbreak onto a bright white page.”  She decided to share her story and experiences as a book to help others going through cervical cancer know that they are not alone. Her book, The Cervical Cancer Companion, includes personal journal entries through each stage of her experience, prompts to help readers process and record their own journey; practical tools like caregiver calendars, medication trackers and shopping lists; and mantras to keep your mind centered.

Read Andrea’s Cervivor story