Navigating Intimacy After Cervical Cancer: Facts, Tips, and Real Talk to Get Your Sexy Back

Cervical cancer is a life-altering diagnosis that affects more than just physical health—it can deeply affect emotional well-being and intimate relationships. From the emotional toll of a serious diagnosis to the physical changes that disrupt intimacy, it can challenge both self-identity and personal connections. Unfortunately, many survivors navigate this journey alone—whether due to discomfort in discussing such a personal matter or simply a lack of information and trusted resources.

During two interactive sessions at Cervivor’s recent Cervical Cancer Summit—one focused on intimacy after cervical cancer and the other on navigating menopause with confidence—participants felt safe enough to openly shared their experiences and concerns in a supportive space. Here is just some of what they said:

“I no longer feel like a woman. I’m disconnected from my sexual self, and I don’t know how to get it back. My recent pelvic exam caused days of bleeding, and I get a UTI with most insertions.”

“No one talks about the sex part of cervical cancer. My doctor just handed me a box of dilators with no explanation on how to use them or how often.”

“I didn’t know about any of this until Cervivor. It still has not been a conversation topic with my medical team unless I talk about it with them.”

These honest reflections highlight the need for open conversations and greater awareness—including, in some cases, among medical professionals. Whether you’re undergoing treatment or navigating recovery, understanding the facts and exploring new ways to connect can empower you to rediscover what feels good for you and regain confidence in your intimate life. It can also help you navigate intimacy with a current or future partner. Acknowledging the impact of cervical cancer on intimacy and relationships—and seeking out support and strategies for maintaining connection—can strengthen bonds and enhance overall well-being.

How Cervical Cancer Impacts Intimacy

Surviving cervical cancer is a triumph, but it often comes with a host of lasting physical and emotional challenges. For many survivors, it’s a case of “I survived, but no one prepared me for this.” These challenges can profoundly affect intimacy, touching both the body and the mind in ways that can feel overwhelming and isolating.

While the emotional and physical tolls of cervical cancer are unique to each person, they often manifest in two key areas: the physical changes resulting from treatment, and the emotional shifts that affect a person’s sense of self and connection to others.

Cervical Cancer Survivor and Cervivor Community Member Amanda Hunter

Physical Impact
Treatments for cervical cancer can lead to a variety of challenges that make physical intimacy difficult. These include vaginal dryness, pelvic pain, and changes in sexual sensation—issues that can significantly affect a person’s ability to engage in or enjoy sexual activities. This is expressed powerfully by Cervivor community member Amanda Hunter: “I have changed after my cancer diagnosis and treatment, and I don’t know how to fix it. The main thing I regret is having my hysterectomy. I no longer feel like a woman because of it, and I am angry. I had just found the love of my life and married him—I absolutely adore my new husband. There was a time I couldn’t keep my hands off of him. But now, between the physical changes from the hysterectomy that have completely altered the feeling of sex, to the loss of hormones from radiation killing my ovaries and the menopausal symptoms that come with it, I am spending our second wedding anniversary feeling guilty because I never want to have sex anymore.”

Emotional Impact
The diagnosis and treatment of cervical cancer can also take a significant emotional toll. The stress of facing cancer and undergoing treatment can trigger anxiety, depression, and concerns about body image. These emotional shifts can affect sexual desire and impact overall intimacy and connection with one’s partner.

Cervivor Ambassador Ana Reyes shares her physical scars from treatment.

Sage Bolte, PhD, LCSW, CST, FAOSW, Chief Philanthropy Officer and President of the Inova Health Foundation, and a 22-year oncology social work professional, was the keynote speaker at the Summit session on intimacy. She shared, “Getting here required, and I know many of you experienced, much loss and grief. There needs to be space to honor that. This doesn’t mean dwelling in sadness, but if we don’t acknowledge what’s lost, we can’t celebrate what’s gained or learned, nor can we learn something different.”

Research confirms what many survivors have shared. Studies indicate that up to 50-70% of women who undergo treatment for cervical cancer experience changes in their sexual function. These changes can include reduced libido, discomfort during sex, or altered sexual satisfaction. Addressing these challenges is essential for maintaining healthy relationships and overall well-being during and after treatment. But, regardless of relationship status, navigating intimacy can be a unique journey for each woman.

Sage offers hope: “You may think, ‘I’ve completely lost interest in sex. My libido is totally gone.’ But libido starts in the mind. Wanting to want to means you still have libido and interest. Give it time and space. The beauty is that you’re going to get to know your body all over again. And figuring out what feels good is very important, whether you have a partner or not.”

Redefining Intimacy

Intimacy is often misunderstood as being solely synonymous with sexual activity, but in reality, it encompasses a broad spectrum of connections that can deepen and enrich relationships. This allows couples to explore and express their bond in various ways, creating a stronger and more resilient connection. The following aspects highlight the diverse landscape of intimacy:

Emotional Closeness: Sharing thoughts, fears, and hopes builds a deep emotional bond. This deep emotional bond is nurtured when partners feel comfortable opening up to each other, creating a safe space for vulnerability and trust. Sharing personal feelings, desires, and anxieties can bring partners closer together, fostering a sense of mutual understanding and support. It can be cultivated through regular, meaningful conversations, active listening, and empathy, ultimately strengthening the relationship.

Physical Touch: Sage emphasizes that the mind is the most important organ in sparking intimacy, while the skin is the largest one. Simple gestures like holding hands, cuddling, or offering gentle massages can foster closeness and provide comfort without the pressures of traditional sexual activity. These acts of physical affection help release oxytocin, often called the “love hormone,” which promotes feelings of bonding and attachment. Physical touch, particularly during stressful times like cancer treatment and recovery, can be a powerful way to express love and care.

Shared Experiences: Shared experiences play a vital role in intimacy, as they provide opportunities for couples to spend quality time together. This can be achieved through various activities, such as engaging in conversation, sharing hobbies, or simply enjoying quiet moments together. These shared experiences can help both partners feel connected, creating a sense of togetherness and unity. Whether it’s cooking a meal, watching a movie, going for a walk, or practicing a hobby, the time spent together can strengthen the bond between partners, fostering a deeper sense of intimacy and connection.

5 Tips for Nurturing Intimacy

Many community members have shared their experiences with receiving a bag or box of dilators after brachytherapy (internal radiation) without a clear explanation of their importance for maintaining pelvic floor health and keeping the vaginal canal open post-treatment. Unfortunately, some have not been as fortunate and have experienced their vaginal canals fusing together. On the other hand, many have received the necessary education, engaged in open dialogue with their care team, and are achieving tremendous success in their post-treatment phase. Cervical cancer survivor Samantha wholeheartedly recommends dilating and shares in her Cervivor Story: “Your sex life does not have to be over after this! In some cases, it’s physically impossible, and I understand that. But for the vast majority of us, with consistent dilation, pelvic floor therapy, and lube, we can repair vaginal tissues and have a sex life again.”

It’s essential to remember that you matter and should never hesitate to advocate for yourself. The following tips can help you navigate the challenges of intimacy after cervical cancer treatment:

  • Open Communication: Discuss your feelings, needs, and concerns with your partner. Honest dialogue can help both of you navigate the physical and emotional challenges together.
  • Explore Alternative Forms of Connection: If traditional sexual activity is uncomfortable, consider non-sexual forms of intimacy like cuddling, massage, or simply spending quality time together. Redefining what intimacy means for you can pave the way for a deeper connection.
  • Seek Professional Support: Professional counselors, therapists, or sexologists with experience in cancer care can offer strategies tailored to your situation, including interventions like pelvic floor therapy or sexual counseling to address specific concerns.
  • Prioritize Self-Care: Engage in activities that promote overall well-being. Exercise, mindfulness practices, and self-compassion can improve your mood and self-esteem, making it easier to embrace intimacy.
  • Educate Yourselves: Understanding the potential side effects of treatments can help set realistic expectations. Trusted sources like the National Cancer Institute and the American Cancer Society provide comprehensive information on managing these challenges.

Products and Resources for Sexual Health

The following products and resources can help patients and survivors manage sexual health challenges:

Pictured: Soul Source Silicone Vaginal Dilators

  • Dilators: Are used to moisturize, stretch and strengthen for overall vaginal health. Products like Soul Source or Intimate Rose are popular due to the silicone material. Typically recommended use of 3-5 times a week at 5-20 minutes.
  • Depth Control Devices: Like Ohnut to help you control depth and alleviate pain.
  • Lubricants: Water-based artificial lubrication (paraben and glycerin-free) like Sliquid, Slippery Stuff, and as an alternative, coconut oil.
  • Vaginal Moisturizers: Like Replens, Good Clean Love, and Aloe Cadabra to provide relief for vaginal dryness and discomfort.
  • Pelvic Floor Therapist Referral: A specialist for retraining and strengthening pelvic floor muscles. Additionally, Cervu Health offers pelvic therapy solutions for female cancer survivors. If you experience chronic pelvic pain or discomfort during sexual activity (dyspareunia), consider participating in their research study to help develop a treatment device for women facing similar challenges.

It’s essential to understand the difference between moisturizers and lubricants, as well as the importance of maintaining the vagina’s natural pH balance. Hormonal changes, radiation, and chemotherapy can affect the vagina’s pH balance, making it crucial to choose products that are gentle and suitable for your needs.

Last Thoughts

Cervical cancer treatment can significantly impact a woman’s sexual health and intimacy. However, remember that these aspects are vital parts of your overall well-being. Or, as Sage wisely says: “Think about what sexual intimacy is really about with another person. Orgasms are a great thing to experience, but that isn’t the goal.” With the right support and resources, you can navigate these challenges and build a stronger, more meaningful relationship with yourself and your partner. Research shows that interventions like pelvic floor rehabilitation and targeted therapy can improve sexual function and quality of life for cervical cancer survivors. Open communication with your care team and partner is essential in strengthening your connection and enhancing your life.

By advocating for yourself, exploring new forms of connection, and seeking support from communities like Cervivor, you can redefine intimacy in a way that honors both your physical and emotional needs.

Disclaimer: This information is intended for informational purposes only and does not substitute for professional medical advice. It is essential to always consult your healthcare provider regarding any concerns or questions about your treatment or health. While we strive to provide accurate and helpful information, personal medical decisions should be made in consultation with a qualified healthcare professional.

Because I love her.

The conversation had started off as well as these things normally do. I was standing in my studio getting ready to work on some new music when she called.  We said our hellos and asked each other what the other one was doing. Then she paused a moment and breathed hesitantly, yet with a firmness of practiced thought and review.

“Before we go any further, you need to know. I have cancer.”

As I’ve come to know over time and experience in being part of the caregiver community; no one fully knows what their reaction will be. There is the conscious utterance of sorrow, shock, and surprise. Yet in the subconscious, an obfuscation of thoughts and emotions spill without measure throughout the very fibers of your being. Fear and ignorance of the details of the situation that you’re now facing, no matter how grand or subtle, eats away at the very thing that you hold dear with that person.  The very love and hope that you’ve invested towards them, is compromised; in ways that are completely and thoroughly incomprehensible to you as you stare in the incredible gravity of those words they just spoke.

As I’ve also learned in being part of this community now; the fear, uncertainty, ignorance and misunderstanding; has caused many to walk away from their loved ones. I’ve been told stories about how so many husbands have walked away from their spouses, children have blamed their mothers, and communities have shunned them in whispered rumor and judgement stricken with the narrow doctrines of puritanical ideologues.  These women who have become victims of cervical cancer and other HPV related diseases were now the sorority of Holly Lawson. This beautiful and vibrant woman whom I just had met for a date at some innocuous local pet store and had a small dinner date with at Fuzzy’s Tacos only days beforehand, was suddenly telling me that she was now stricken with a disease that I had only passing awareness of. This woman that made me laugh and smile like no other, was now entwined within a somber embrace to a vessel of suffering that humbles all who linger in its shadow that does not fade.

Holly was scared, though she held it well. If one only glanced she appeared mostly unaffected in passing. Yet I know fear. I know death. I know suffering. I know despair. She could not hide it from me.

“Oh my God. I’m so sorry…”

“If you don’t want to meet me anymore I…..”

“When can I see you? Can I come over later tonight, well it is getting late. How about tomorrow?”

“Wait. Didn’t you hear what I said?”

“Yes, I did. So when can I see you?”

“Aren’t you afraid or something? I mean, I just told you…”

“Yes I am, but I am not going to give up a chance on love because of this. Well just see where this goes, we’ve only been on one date so far, well technically 352 dates already…. Besides, I know this great taco shop called Rusty…”

That was our first real conversation. From there I watched in awe as she battled every day an enemy that I could not kill.  I waited with her as she lingered between states of consciousness and awareness in almost every area of her hospital and various clinics.  I held her hands as she trembled from infections that caused mortal pain.  I looked on in absolute shock and sadness as she bore the Frankenstein like scars on her body of what the doctors had to do her physically, to keep her alive.  I held her as she cried, awash in depression, anger, fear, hate, and confusion at her own family and friends who were not there with her and did not appear nor could they truly understand what she was living through, and the battles that she won and lost in a war for everything she was. I watched as cancer broke her and everything that she held onto from a previous life — that seemed so distant and blurred with fondly recalled memories; seemingly fading a little more with each passing day where she lingered in its suffocating shadow. I watched Holly survive.

“Before we go any further, you should know; I have cancer.” 

That sticks with me every day. Cancer is not something that goes away just because you have gotten some sort of treatment.  It lingers in your thoughts, it colors the sky teal, it fuels contempt at the world, it makes you smile with your arms linked a fraternity of those caregivers who stayed — who want nothing more than to comfort and ease the wounds and scars inflicted upon the women they love so desperately by a villain that they cannot kill.

As a man, I have found that being a man is much harder than it appears by birth-rights. Charging into a fire, running towards gunfire and putting your physical life on the line does not ultimately make you a man. Nor does it really make you courageous and worthy of praise.  That is because when one finds themselves in the moment of fight or flight, you either do or do not.  The try part is left to the others who endeavor to make sense of the ways which you have to make that decision in the first place. In my opinion, being a man is standing there with the woman you claim to love and care for, and help her walk down a linoleum hallway in the middle of the night with the stench of chlorine and sterility holding her hand as she struggles to stay conscious and upright. It’s holding the catheter bag filled with despair and fragile hope. Being a man is running to every CVS, Walgreens and 7-Eleven trying to find a back scratcher for her to use on her legs as she cannot bend down to reach them while she lies between fits of incredible pain to dimly coherent conversations laced with the morphine that eases some of the suffering. Being a man is staying awake all night to rub her back as gently as possible, so that she may rest for even just a moment; knowing full well that your workday is going to be pure hell after driving at least an hour one way just to get here on time. I’ve discovered that many men have not done this. They walked away. They have left the mother of their children and their partners of some years because she has suffered a blow to her very existence. A man does not harm his partner and does not leave her side because she is suffering through something that she did not cause.

Holly did not invite her fate, she was a victim of life, as we all are. If I could not give her a chance, give myself a chance, and give love a chance; then everything that I’ve ever stood for and have ever believed and have fought for is truly worthless.  It means that ultimately, I do not care about love. It means that truly, I cannot love. However, as we all want love, so do I. Because of Holly, I believe in love and the absolution of what that means.  I believe in love, not because of some mythical story of dragons or starry-eyed fairytale of gowns, but because I believe in what is right and good about this world and our place in it and to me that means that you have to believe in it for its very sake; not because someone told you to do so. From what I’ve seen in life, this is not really taught to anyone in ways that they can truly embrace unless they have experienced it for themselves. So, in the end, the very thing that keeps me; is that I truly believe in love.

I believe in what Holly is. The same woman that made me laugh and smile; and think; and fuss and curse — and all of it. I believe in life again and all of the beautiful and horrible things that it brings us. Not because I was told to. But because I met Holly. When she survived, so did I. Why?

Because I love her.

Addendum

“Before we go any further, I have to tell you something. I have cancer again, it came back.”

“Really? F***. Ok. Let’s go to Fuzzy’s… I kinda want to try that new burrito bowl. It doesn’t look like the one from Chipotle, but hey let’s try it anyway, we should get nachos too…. The pork ones.  It’s going to be a long day between Dr. V’s office and the cancer center. Hey, hold on let me get the door… there you go, the seat belt is back a little far so I don’t want you to stretch too far, you’re still in your belly.”

I kissed her gently as she sat in my car.

“I love you, Holly. Everything is going to be alright.”

Check out Holly’s story here:  www.t0g.ce7.mywebsitetransfer.com/holly

Claude Swain is a writer, actor, and musician who hails from Rocky Mount, Virginia and now resides in the Dallas-Fort Worth area, with Holly and their fur baby, Luna. He is a Marine Corp combat veteran and attended Virginia Tech. Claude has played in the Richmond Symphony and is an active part of the Dallas music and arts scene. He is a wine enthusiast and cigar aficionado, who has never met a taco he didn’t like. He is currently the Sr. Site Development Manager for Tillman Infrastructure in Carrollton, Texas.