Life After Cancer

When I was young, I was a Girl Scout – which meant selling Girl Scout cookies (of course)!

I have a vivid memory of sitting in our laundry room, door shut, with (somehow) the phone pulled in there too as well as the family address book, and the school and church directories…calling pretty much everyone we knew to see if they would spend their money buying cookies from me.

My mother made me do it. “It’s good for the cause and good for your character to do this,” she said.

I hated it.

I did not like the feeling of cold-calling people; not sure if they would know who I was much less say yes to buying cookies from me. It made me nervous. It made me anxious. It was unpredictable. I would much rather have done anything rather than spend time asking people for money.

I hated it.

For the record – I sold the most cookies in my troop that year, and the prize for doing so was a new boom-box!

Fast forward 30-some years…my willingness to do something uncomfortable (and my mother’s insistence that I do so) has paid off. I’m not so hesitant to ask for money these days, especially if it’s a cause that:

● I believe strongly in,

● One where I know the money goes, and

● One that directly impacts lives AND change.

Cervivor is that organization, and I consider it a badge of honor to volunteer for, represent, and fundraise for all it does and stands for.

As a part of Cervivor’s leadership team, their Lead Advocacy Educator and a Cervivor Ambassador, I get the privilege of seeing firsthand not only what we do as an organization, but where generously donated funds go. My history with this organization began because of such funds as I was the recipient of money that allowed me to attend my first Cervivor School in 2015. After attending that school, I began to see the positive impact Cervivor has not only on individuals and the greater community but also the impact it has on change. Cervivor is an agent of change. So much so that over the course of 5 years I’ve been able to become a part of that change by having the tools, motivation, confidence, and opportunities to share and leverage my HPV and cervical cancer story in many ways and to many people. I’m also able to be a part of helping others experience this too.

The work that I do for Cervivor, the hours and hours I spend volunteering my time, fulfills me because I not only see change happen, but I get to be a part of training and supporting patients and survivors of cervical cancer which ultimately enables them to become a part of that change as well. In essence, I get to not only see the change, but I get to see it grow too! My primary role as the Lead Advocacy Educator is putting on Cervivor School each year to train new advocates, but I also work to sustain their advocacy efforts and education indefinitely after they leave Cervivor School through routine Cervivor Ambassador calls, mentoring others to share their stories and advocate, hosting Cervivor Chats with experts that impacts our advocacy, and more. I’ve become passionate about training others to be advocates not only because I see that it empowers them as individuals in their own lives, but because I get to see the increasing change in our collective work to eliminate cervical cancer one day.

So now it’s time for me to do the very thing I hated doing so many years ago – ask for money. This time I do so with confidence, pride, and love because:

● I strongly believe in the work we do at Cervivor – otherwise I wouldn’t dedicate so much time and energy into it myself!

● I know where the generously donated money goes – I help to plan and organize just that!

● I see how it impacts lives AND change – I’m living proof of it!

And no, my mother is not making me do this :-).

Will you please donate to Cervivor and help us continue all of our efforts to be a part of eliminating cervical cancer?

For the record – I’ve raised over $3500 for Cervivor and the prize for doing so is impacting lives AND change!

Heather Banks is Cervivor’s Lead Advocacy Educator and recipient of the 2016 Cervivor Champion Award. As a 12-year cervical cancer survivor, she is an active advocate for HPV and cervical cancer awareness and prevention. Heather’s advocacy efforts have included testifying to the FDA in 2013 for co-testing efforts, speaking to government representatives in DC, and becoming a member of Cervivor’s Leadership Team. Heather lives in Indianapolis, Indiana where she is an Instructional Coach and Specialist at the elementary level. She loves spending time with her husband and two children; ages 15 and 12.

Here I Go Again On My Own: Quarantining (Again!) in 2020

Cervical cancer survivor, graphic designer, frequent journal-er, and now published author Andrea Bonhiver has been experiencing “quarantine flashbacks” amid the current COVID-19 pandemic:

“I spent March 7 to April 22, 2019 basically quarantined in my apartment after surgery for cervical cancer. Here I go again in 2020! Who would’ve thought?”

The feelings of trauma that come with having cervical cancer are VERY similar to what many people are experiencing during this pandemic, Andrea reminds us. “I lived with these feelings of anxiety and uncertainty on a pretty constant basis for 2 years: 

✓  A scary diagnosis. 

✓  Living with something that is potentially life-threatening. 

✓  Not being able to do the things you’d normally do as freely as you’d like. 

✓ Fear and uncertainty about EVERYTHING. 

✓ Questioning everything in my body that feels a little bit ‘off’ and constantly wondering “is that normal?” (As in: My breathing feels tight. Is that a symptom? Is the cancer spreading? Do I have COVID-19?!)”

Amid the physical isolation that many are living through to protect themselves from COVID-19, Andrea doesn’t want anybody – especially not cervical cancer survivors – to feel alone. Certainly not the type of alone that she felt when she received her cervical cancer diagnosis. She’d gone looking for hope and information “in the blue light of the internet” but found mostly “scholarly articles, or scary ones about the invasive and painful treatments I might need, or about survival and recurrence rates. Cold hard facts but very few real-life stories.”

So she wrote her own. Not just as a Cervivor story for our website, but a book: The Cervical Cancer Companion – written to help others “process the trauma of cancer as you experience it.”

Now, Andrea is looking back on her post-hysterectomy, post-surgery isolation to share tips on how to get through the anxiety and isolation many are feeling with the current COVID-19 quarantine.  

Andrea’s quarantine tips for our Cervivor community:

1. Create a “What If” journal. When you feel overwhelmed by the uncertainty and fear, sit down and just let it all out. Bullet out a list of everything you’re afraid of and worried about. Irrational or fully logical. Let it all go. Then go back and try to come up with a statement for each one. “If this happens, then_____________.” You might find that the outcome of each worst fear is not as catastrophic as you have imagined in your mind. And if it is? You *will* make it through.

2. If you need help? ASK FOR IT. I am not at all surprised that as a society we have risen up to support and encourage one another. I saw this first-hand throughout my cancer journey and it was a real window into just how GOOD and SELFLESS people can be. People want to help because they’ve been helped by others, too. Don’t be afraid. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it takes guts and if that’s not strong, I don’t know what is.

3. Know that you will grow through this. There are always things to be learned. Areas of our hearts and character will deepen and be strengthened through this. Getting stronger and becoming better people is never not painful, but is always a positive thing.

4. Remember that psychological and emotional trauma takes a toll on cognition. EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED. We should not expect our memories to work as well as they did before, nor should we expect ourselves to be able to recall all of the information we had at front of mind before. Go easy on yourself. Lower your expectations for yourself. Do your best.

5. Tend to your emotional health. Check in with yourself. Ask yourself what you need. Write. Pray. Cry. Laugh with friends over Facetime. Grieve if you need to. Rejoice if you want to. Just don’t act like nothing has happened.

6. Manage “The Wait.” I created a few pillars of self-care during “The Wait.” When you have cancer, “The Wait” is the time between your test/treatment/surgery and receiving the results. It’s long, it’s miserable, it’s anxiety-inducing. So we need distractions. For this 2020 Pandemic, the shelter in place orders are our “Wait.” Here are those pillars that I think can get us through:

  • Support: Who can you call/visit with? Make a list.
  • Counseling: There are counselors all over the country doing Facetime sessions, if you are struggling. There are also counseling and meditation apps that are helpful.
  • Movies/TV: Don’t shame yourself for seeking a mental escape. It’s necessary to give your brain a break in times like this. I personally found it comforting to watch shows set in other time periods, or movies I enjoyed from my childhood.
  • Books: Many libraries have an app called Libby where you can check out ebooks and audiobooks if you run out of books in your home.
  • Music: Make a playlist of songs you find uplifting, soothing, or calming. Go to it when you feel overwhelmed.
  • Move Your Body: Many of us can’t do this during or while recovering from treatment, but if you can, go on walks! Do some gentle yoga. Find ways to bring motion to your system and shake off the anxiety. 

7. Grief and Gratefulness: These themes will carry us through this tragic season in our world. Make a list of what you’re grieving and another list of what you’re grateful for. Keep adding to it every day. Eventually, I believe our gratefulness will outweigh our grief. ONE DAY.

How are you surviving quarantine? And if you are in a place that isn’t under “stay at home” orders, how are you managing any COVID-19 related anxiety? Do you have a unique experience with it as a result of your experiences with cervical cancer diagnosis and treatment? If so, please share with Cervivor via the comments below or email [email protected] 

Andrea Bonhiver lives in Minneapolis with her husband and dog. Diagnosed with adenocarcinoma in situ at age 33, Andrea journaled throughout her cervical cancer diagnosis and radical hysterectomy as a way to process her emotions and release her “anger and heartbreak onto a bright white page.”  She decided to share her story and experiences as a book to help others going through cervical cancer know that they are not alone. Her book, The Cervical Cancer Companion, includes personal journal entries through each stage of her experience, prompts to help readers process and record their own journey; practical tools like caregiver calendars, medication trackers and shopping lists; and mantras to keep your mind centered.

Read Andrea’s Cervivor story