Cervivor Stories

Taking Care of Your Mental Health

A cancer diagnosis rocks your entire world! No matter where you are in life, hearing that you have any cancer is an enormous hit. 

I was 26 years old in 2018 when I received my cancer diagnosis. I was working as a security officer and learning to cope with a new mental illness diagnosis from an unrelated event. I was struggling mentally, but I was also having some physical issues. I was noticing changes in my body. My periods got longer, the pain wouldn’t stop, and I went to the emergency room. The doctor told me I had an enlarged cervix during that visit and treated me with antibiotics. When I had my yearly pap test, they found a mass and wanted to do a biopsy. It was at that moment that I became full of anxiety. I was full of fear. All I heard was “cancer,” “hysterectomy,” and “no kids.” How would I manage? How would I tell my family? How would I FEEL? 

BEFORE CANCER

Before I was diagnosed with cancer, I didn’t handle my anxiety and depression with care. I tried to avoid conversations. It wasn’t until my cancer diagnosis that I realized how important mental health is as a part of our overall well-being! My father always told me that we could never make sound decisions without a clear mind. I used that as a basis for taking care of myself. I needed my mind clear to remember appointments, to remember medicines, to communicate with my team, the people around me, and so much more. I needed a clear mind to advocate for my care. 

AFTER CANCER

After my cancer diagnosis, I had to deal with many different feelings. The top three were anger, sadness, and guilt. I couldn’t wrap my head around having cancer and the future of no children. I felt like I had to make decisions quickly, although I talked it through with my parents. The talks of infertility, menopause, and treatment weeks made my head spin. I almost didn’t go through with the chemo and radiation. At some points, I felt like less than a woman because I could no longer naturally reproduce and I no longer functioned the way I used to. I had a lack of libido, so sex wasn’t so appealing to me. These were some of the things I found it hard to talk about, so at times, I suffered silently. 

SUPPORT & SELF-CARE

A support system is vital in finding mental/emotional stability before and after a cancer diagnosis. Most importantly, self-care is an excellent way to ensure that you find some ease in dealing with day-to-day routines. After realizing that my parents and fiancée would be there the whole way through, it eased my paranoia, and I felt empowered. I vowed to live life in the very moment and heed my tattoo to learn to accept the things I cannot change and have the courage to change the things I can, with wisdom to know the difference (Serenity prayer). 

Another way I coped before/after my diagnosis was meditation for at least 15 minutes each day. I affirmed that I would be healed, proclaimed that I would find peace, and declared that I would find a way to raise awareness and do what I can to teach people around me about how important it is to care for ourselves.

I saw a therapist at least twice a week a to talk and not see judgment. It was some of the best conversations I’ve ever had. My therapist helped me make sense of a lot of my emotions. She helped me see when I would misplace my anger and got me into journaling, which is another excellent way to cope and get things off your chest. 

Joining a support group also played a part in my mental health. I connected with other women who were feeling the same; they got it. I joined at least three or four different groups. They were all caring and positive. We shared our feelings, thoughts, and encouraged one another. Usually, I would not join groups like this, but they were safe spaces.  It made me feel good and at peace, but sometimes I would feel guilty that I complained so much, and as it seemed some women were enduring so much more than me. Now, I understand that I don’t have to write off my pain to validate someone else’s. Empathy is real!  I would advise you not to join or leave any support group that makes you feel bad or does not resonate with what you are looking for. 

Although cancer can make you feel exhausted, disabled, and empty, it can also make you feel empowered, tenacious, and beautiful. Remember that you are worth it. You shouldn’t be ashamed to seek mental health advice when your anxiety or stress feels too heavy. Some fun and creative ways to help relax would be arts, coloring books, and music. Talk it out or write it down, but it is never healthy to hold it in. Also, remember that it is OKAY NOT to BE OKAY! We often think that we must be strong for everyone around us, but we don’t have to pretend that we do not need a shoulder to lean on sometimes. 

Kyana is part of our Cervivor community and is a survivor of stage IIIB cervical cancer. Diagnosed at 26 years old, she found empowerment through Cervivor. Cervivor’s online groups taught her how to be more vocal about her care and spread awareness so that others are able to feel that same empowerment and advocate for themselves. Kyana shares her story in hopes that it will teach just one person about the importance of self-advocacy and preventative care, and to eliminate stigmas.

My Whole New World in the New Year

On December 30, 2020, my life did a loop-di-loop on the magic carpet of life. I was diagnosed with stage IIB cervical cancer. This diagnosis was quite honestly shocking as I happen to be one of those people who never put off a screening of any kind, even during COVID! What led to the diagnosis?

I had only one sign. I started bleeding, which I attributed to heavy lifting and moving furniture while decorating my house for Christmas. I made an appointment with my gynecologist for the very next day and I had an internal sonogram which showed a mass of some kind. She told me to be on the safe side we would set up an MRI which I went home to schedule during my Christmas vacation.

I scheduled the MRI for very early in the day so that I could also go for a mani/pedi and visit my daughter’s new home. As I sat in the pedi chair waiting to have my nails done, my phone rang. It was the gynecologist, which surprised me, but I figured it was the day before a holiday and she wanted to talk to me before the long weekend.

She definitely surprised me when she asked if I was somewhere private I could talk. I went out to my car in pedicure flip flops in the dead of winter to hear her tell me, “It is cancer.” I did not panic. My oldest daughter had had cervical cancer five years prior to this and it was thankfully caught early and was treated. I listened to my doctor tell me to take notes, and the first thing I grabbed was an envelope from a Christmas card, and I furiously wrote notes of oncologists’ names, words like ‘dysplasia’, ‘6 cm’, radiation, and chemo. I made the split second decision to go to the oncologist my daughter had been treated by and my gynecologist told me to stay put while she called him. She called me back to tell me he would meet me on a Zoom call so I quickly ran home for this meeting. Now this oncologist is pretty well known in the area for gynecological cancers and I knew him already so I felt comfortable until we started the meeting and he stoically uttered the words, “THIS IS VERY DIFFERENT THAN YOUR DAUGHTER!”

Phyllis with her daughters

In a matter of minutes on the second to the last day of the year, I had scheduled all my appointments with oncology, hematology and radiology. My biopsy and D&C were scheduled for a week later until my world again turned upside down.

My oncologist told me I had a rare, aggressive tumor and they wanted to switch my treatment plan to try and shrink the tumor in preparation for surgery. Of course it would be me with the rare tumor that only accounts for 5% of cervical cancer diagnoses. I know, I’m an overachiever!

I was set up to begin a Taxol/Carboplatin protocol and with cold-capping to save my hair. I went through the nine weeks like a trooper and was so happy as I suffered only minimal side effects. I was able to continue teaching (remotely because of COVID) and I stayed positive and ready for my battle. But it was short lived.

The tumor indeed shrunk, but not enough so back to the drawing board of the traditional treatment plan. I went through six rounds of Cisplatin (ironically I did lose my hair but I was advised not to cold cap this time) concurrent with radiation and Brachytherapy. Again, the tumor shrunk, but not enough which leads me to my current status — LIVING WITH CANCER. This in itself is a difficult thing to wrap ones’ head around.

Phyllis sporting a cold cap during chemotherapy treatment

In September, I began a course of Topotecan and Cisplatin. Since this would be administered for three consecutive days every 21 days, I decided to take a leave from work and the doctor highly advised it! I am so glad I am off! The side effects are not fun! I have seven days of intense pain and constipation but I am trying to deal with it by wearing a smile and a big win for me was that my latest CT scan revealed a lot of shrinkage!

My biggest lesson learned: YOU CANNOT PLAN WITH CANCER! Things are not what they seem and plans constantly change. All I know in this journey is that it’s important to go with the flow and STAY HAPPY!

Phyllis Adams is part of our Cervivor community and a proud Jersey girl. She is an active member of our Facebook groups Survivor Slimdown and I’m A Cervivor!. Thank you for sharing your story, Phyllis!