Some Four-Letter Words Help Us Heal

HALT!

The word “halt” translates to “stop” in German. But HALT is also an acronym that stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired. Rather than letting our feelings run amok, HALT allows us to grab hold of the wheel and control what’s happening from the driver’s seat. 

The purpose of the HALT method is to help us feel better when we are feeling upset and it is often used when we are feeling emotionally off-centered. The HALT method addresses how our state of being and human needs might be linked to making hasty decisions – with words, actions, and thoughts. When one or more of these areas are out of balance, we will likely struggle with (mental) health and our overall well-being.

Let’s break down each letter of HALT:

The H stands for hungry:  It is well-researched that human behavior changes when we are hungry. Hunger causes us to value the short-term over the long-term and leads to hastiness with decisions. Chemicals in our brain also change to heighten anger when we are hungry.

If you discover the cause of not feeling well emotionally was hunger, you can take a momentary break from whatever you are doing, eat a handful of nuts or dried fruits, rest and enjoy them as much as you can, and allow your body and brain come back to baseline. As your body is coming back to baseline, you will think more clearly and feel calmer. This helps avoid hasty remarks and snappiness and alleviates uncomfortable moods.

The A stands for angry:  Anger can be an unpleasant and damaging emotion, but it is normal to feel angry – everybody does at one point or another.

Just because you feel angry doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. However, feeling chronic, persistent anger is unhealthy and becomes a problem when you have a hard time letting it go and it seeps into other areas in your life.

Some heathy ways of coping with anger can include stress management, spirituality, prayer, and meditation. You may find it helpful to keep a record of the things or people that trigger anger. You can then reflect on whether your anger is justified and take the “heat” out of the situation.

The L stands for lonely: When we find ourselves cut off from contact with other members of our social group or community, we can feel lonely, which can be very unhealthy. It is no wonder that social isolation has made our social interactions more difficult during the pandemic.

When we are surrounded by positive influential people who we have a strong connection with, we are less likely to engage in negative behaviors. Of course, we can be lonely even when we are surrounded by a lot of people, but that makes meaningful relationships even more important.

Finding social groups that share similar interests as you is a good first step. Maybe your daily routine is causing you to retreat into your shell. If so, shake it up a little! Calling a friend or visiting a loved one might be just what you need. You can also simply go out in the world by taking a walk, running errands, or going to a coffee shop rather than hiding from everyone. Reach out and connect with others who want to see you happy and healthy.

The T stands for tired: Making sure we get enough sleep at night can help to improve not only our physical well-being but also our emotional health.

When we are physically and emotionally tired, we are more likely to engage in a negative thinking pattern. The amount of sleep we need varies with age, but the U.S. National Sleep Foundation’s guidelines recommend between seven and nine hours of sleep per night for an adult.

The quality of sleep is also important. The brain only “recharges” properly through Rapid Eye Movement sleep (REM). This high quality of sleep level can be hampered by drinking alcohol or caffeine-based drinks in the evening or by trying to deal with difficult issues late at night.

Screen use, including checking notifications on your tablet or cellphone, can also have a negative impact on your sleep. Remember that it is best to stop using screens an hour before going to bed. 

The HALT method is a wonderful reminder of the simplest things we often forget to do to take care of ourselves. Just check in with yourself periodically and ask how you are feeling in these four categories. Your check-ins can occur daily or weekly, while other times you may check in with yourself hourly. How often you use the HALT method is totally up to you! 


Jessica Martin was born in Germany and holds a M.Sc. in Psychology. She moved to the United States in 2018 and was diagnosed with cervical adenocarcinoma, stage 1B2 shortly after her move. Jessica is passionate about the mental health aspect of healing.

When the Psychotherapist Meets Cancer

I always thought that I’ve done very well in building up resilience, taking care of my physical and mental health, since that is basically what I do for a living. I am a Psychotherapist and am specialized in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). I love the CBT approach in working with clients since it is a here-and-now approach, is time-limited, and is structured. I offer individualized treatment plans for each client that outline clear behavioral goals, as well as take an active role in coaching my clients by directing their therapy and assigning homework.

After undergoing a biopsy, my OB/GYN told me on my daughter’s 2nd birthday, “Unfortunately, it’s cancer”. I just sat there, repeatedly saying, “No, that can’t be true!”. I completely went into freeze response. It was like an out-of-body experience, while I was standing on the Edge of the Abyss, all around me was complete darkness. As I was shaking and crying, all I could continuously say was, “No, that can’t be true!”.

(The definition of Fight, Flight, Freeze or Fawn is the body’s natural physiological reaction to stressful events. It is activated by the perception of threat, quickly igniting the sympathetic nervous system and releasing hormones to reach the underlying goal of springing into fight, flight, freeze or fawn to decrease, end, or evade danger and to return to a state of calm and control.)

My OB/GYN’s office scheduled my first CT scan for three hours later and as my husband, who was thankfully with me at the appointment, brought me outside the office, I started throwing up while I talked to my sister on the phone telling her, “I have cervical cancer”.

At this point, I knew nothing about “my cancer”. Had it spread? Am I going to die? What stage am I? Will I see my girls graduate high school? Is it treatable? What is the chance that my cancer can be cured? What other tests and procedures do I need? How can I deal with that? I’m not the type of person that will be able to handle something like this.

The day after my diagnosis, there I was, sitting with all those thoughts, feelings, and emotions, not knowing what to do. I knew nothing anymore; I wasn’t even able to think. On this beautiful summer day, everything seemed to disappear into this deep fog surrounding me.

I, the psychotherapist, who always comes up with great treatment plans for all kinds of mental health problems my clients are dealing with, but who is now unable to even stop my own thoughts and worries. Wow, great job. I was disappointed in myself. I was disappointed in what my body had done to me by developing this cancer. And on top of that, I wasn’t even able to drag myself into a more positive state of mind. Hell, I could not even think one, clear thought.

So, when I wanted to cry, I cried. When I wanted to scream, I screamed. When I wanted to sleep, I slept.  When I wanted to talk, I talked. And I went on walks, a lot of quiet, long walks. At one point, I went on Google and gathered information about cervical cancer. I reminded myself about one of the things I tell my clients, “Information is on the other side of fear”. 

Then I realized that what is happening is grief. I’m grieving my cervical cancer diagnosis. I’m right in the middle of it and my psyche is doing what it’s supposed to do all on its own. 

We usually reserve the word, grief, for loss, secondary to death. Well, that’s just one form of grief. Grief is an adjustment to loss. When we get our cancer diagnosis, that is loss. Loss of potential quality of life, loss of certain physical functionality. It may even be the loss of time. At some point, everyone WILL go into grief. However, not everyone will go through the stages in a prescribed order, there is no linear and predictable pattern, and we often switch back and forth between the stages.

The classical, six stages of grief are simply tools to help us frame and identify what we may feel during our cervical cancer journey:

Denial: Feelings of avoidance, shock, fear, confusion. Believe that the diagnosis is somehow wrong and holding on to a different reality.

“I feel fine.” – “No, this can’t be happening to me.”

Anger: Feelings of frustration, anger, anxiety. Faced with the new reality, looking for someone/something else to fault, to leash out.

“Why me?” – “It’s not fair.” – “How can this happen to me.”

Bargaining: Struggling to find meaning. Seeking to get out of facing the new reality by promising something to change or to do differently or seeking for help through a higher power.

“I’ll do/give anything for a good outcome/a few more years.”

Depression / Sadness: Feelings of being overwhelmed, helpless, hopeless. Settling into sadness and unable to move forward.

“Live will never be the same…” – “What’s the point of going on?”

Acceptance: Feeling of exploring different options, a new plan in place, moving on. Embracing the new reality and finality of what has happened.

“I’m going to be ok.” – “I can fight it.” – “I may as well prepare for it.”

The more we give grief space to run its course, the more likely we are to have a better outcome. Sometimes we feel guilty for taking too long to grieve. NO, WE DON’T TAKE TOO LONG! Emotions work their way through us, don’t fight them, don’t rush them.

Years ago, I went to a lecture about grief and the professor added “Finding meaning/Purpose” as the last stage of grief in the circle and that stuck with me. Now, I always add that stage for my clients because I have experienced it myself.

Finding meaning/Purpose:

  • Help other people with the same diagnosis by sharing your story
  • Write a book
  • Pull back from work/toxic people
  • Join an organization
  • Smell/water flowers
  • Take a walk every day
  • See the beauty of life

For me personally, finding meaning/purpose just started in November 2021 (yup, not too long ago), when I decided to participate in one of Cervivor’s Creating Connections virtual meetups. I’ve always been pretty private about my cancer diagnosis. I was terrified about this cancer, I just wanted it to go away, I did not want to share anything with anyone other than my closest family. 

At this first meetup, I literally just listened to the other participants and there was so much hope, so much encouragement, and so many awesome ideas being shared for the upcoming Cervical Cancer Awareness Month (CCAM) in January, that I decided to participate in a second meetup. There, I started to introduce myself, shared a little bit of my story, and thought about ways to integrate some mental health ideas into CCAM.

Since then, I participated in Cervivor’s CCAM virtual activities and even spoke about self-care and mental health at the Cervivor Summit 2022. And today, here I am, continuing to find my meaning/ purpose. 

“Cancer cannot cripple love, it cannot shatter hope, it cannot conquer the spirt.” ~Author Unknown

Jessica Martin was born in Germany and holds a M.Sc. in Psychology. She moved to the USA in 2018 and was diagnosed with cervical adenocarcinoma 1B2 shortly after her move. Jessica is passionate about the mental health aspect for healing.