Recurrence

“I Looked in the Mirror and Saw a Warrior Looking Back at Me” – Video & Interview

Becky, a young mother from California, came to Cervivor School in September 2019 to learn how to fully and effectively share her cervical cancer story. Just two months later, she faced a recurrence: a diagnosis of an aggressive cancer in her liver and pelvis. Becky shows in a Cervivor story video what it means to embody the Cervivor Spark. Amid her devastating news and the restarting of chemo, Becky gathered her daughters, family and friends to join her in shaving her head. We spoke to Becky about the video, her inner strength, her Cervivor Spark and how shaving her head in an empowering way enabled her to see herself as a warrior.

Shaved Head and Cervivor Spark in the Throes of a Cancer Recurrence: Q&A with Becky

1. How did you first find Cervivor?

I stumbled upon Cervivor on one of my many late nights on Google, searching for information. Crying by myself in the middle of the night, I found Cervivor.org and the stories that so many women have shared.  I sat awake in bed the whole night reading story after story. For the first time since my diagnosis – a very dark, scary and lonely road –  I finally found someone who had gone through what I was going through. I related to somebody! I joined the Facebook group and participated in the online conversations. The support I found there from women who GET IT is nothing like I’d ever experienced. After reading all the Cervivor stories and joining the Facebook group, I wanted to find people in real life and went to my first Cervivor MeetUp. The MeetUp was a new beginning for me and is a big part of the path that led me to go to Cervivor School and to become a Cervivor Ambassador.

Becky at Cervivor School 2019

2. How did this video come to be?

Cervivor School helped me to be comfortable fully sharing my story to help other women. It helped me to truly understand and appreciate that the mission to end cervical cancer needs my story, my face and my voice. I knew I wanted documentation of this crazy journey. I wanted to have a video that I would be able to look back on,  especially for my girls. I had already started a Cervivor story video and when I had decided to shave my hair,  I reached out to a close friend of mine and asked her to video that whole process. The video is beyond what I could have ever imagined! The video is perfect. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve watched it! 

3. Tell us about the decision to shave your head, and the decision to do it surrounded by family and friends. What did that moment mean to you?

I decided to shave my head before I even started chemo again. I knew I was going to lose my hair, but I was told by my medical team that it typically doesn’t happen until after the second chemo session. When my hair started falling out just two weeks after my first chemo session, I knew it was time. Cancer had already taken so much away from me, and I wanted to own my hair and have the power to shave it before cancer also took that away from me.

I have a dear friend who also happens to be my hair stylist, so there wasn’t anyone else I wanted to shave my head. I decided to do it surrounded by my family and friends because I knew it was going to be extremely tough and emotional. But I mainly did it for my two daughters. I wanted them to be part of the process so that it wouldn’t seem so scary to them. Having them be a part of it, and to have them help cut and shave it, was a moment that I will never forget. It was beyond powerful and touching. And it definitely helped my daughters to be part of the process.

Once my head was shaved and I looked in the mirror, for the first time I saw a warrior looking back at me. I no longer saw a weak and lost woman in the mirror. I knew in that moment that I was going to fight with everything I had in me.   

4. The video shows and tells such a powerful story of inner strength and resolve amid a difficult diagnosis, and truly shows what it means to have the “Cervivor Spark.”  How do you keep up the fight and help your “fire get stronger and stronger each day”?

Honestly, it’s my girls that help me fight. I fight for them and it’s their two beautiful faces that keep me going every single day. If there is a day that I just feel defeated, all I have to do is think of my girls and their future and instantly that fire just grows. Before cancer, there wasn’t anything as a mother I wouldn’t do for my girls and that sure as hell isn’t going to stop now. If anything, it makes my role as a mother have more meaning. I look at my girls in a different light now. I will never stop advocating for myself and I will never stop doing my own research because I have two little humans who need their mom and who don’t deserve to go through and see things that cancer has brought into their lives. This isn’t about me. I didn’t give myself that fire. It’s my strong and resilient daughters that deserve all the credit.

Becky and her “strong and resilient” daughters who keep her going, every single day.

Becky was originally diagnosed with cervical cancer in 2018, at age 35, and quickly became an active member of the Cervivor community, joining Facebook Group discussions, attending MeetUps, participating in the September 2019 Cervivor School and becoming a Cervivor Ambassador. She was diagnosed with a recurrence in late-2019, just weeks after returning from Cervivor School. Read her Cervivor story and learn how, amid this most recent diagnosis, her Cervivor Spark and passion to prevent other women from cervical cancer gets stronger each day.

Days to weeks, months, or years?

I was first diagnosed with early stage cervical cancer in October 2012; I was only stage 1b2.  I was supposed to have a surgery and be finished with cancer.  It was supposed to be a one-time concern, no chemo, radiation, or additional treatment.  I was supposed to be okay.  Guess what?  Things don’t always work out the way they are supposed to.

In 2014, I had my first recurrence.  The doctor was optimistic we could treat the cancer and get rid of it, if we attacked it aggressively.  So, I went through multiple types of chemo and external radiation.  I had a PET scan which showed I was cancer free.  I could go back to my life.  However, that was short lived.  Three short months later I had a routine follow up scan and we found that the cancer was back and had metastasized.

In 2015, when I was diagnosed with my second recurrence, it was deemed that I was incurable.  I would live my life with cancer.  I would live knowing that my cancer would never go away.  It is something that is hard to comprehend.  Honestly, I still have family and friends who just don’t get it.  They still think that any time I go in for a checkup or scan we are going to hear that I am cancer free.  It is hard to have to continue to explain to them that the cancer isn’t going away.

Last month I had a PET scan to see how the cancer was progressing.  I shared out publicly that I was going to be having the scan.  I received a lot of encouragement via social media and there were still people who were hoping for a clear scan.  I was just hoping for a scan that showed the cancer had not spread into new areas.  Unfortunately, what I hoped for is not what happened.  My scan showed that my cancer had grown and spread.  The scan showed an increased size of the mass in my pelvis (involving the rectum) and on my supraclavicular lymph node (near my clavicle).  Additionally, there are new growths:  one in my neck, one on my trachea, and multiple on my liver.  This is not what I wanted to hear.

Meeting with the doctor was the next step after my PET scan.  I had a few days between my scan and my appointment to sort through things mentally.  When I met with the doctor we went through all of the treatments we have tried previously:  surgery (twice), Carbo/Taxol/Avastin, Cistplatin, external radiation, Avastin alone, Carbo/Taxol (again), Topetecan, clinical trial immunotherapy CX-072, Carbo/Taxol (again).  As you can see we have tried many options.  These options are not without side effects.  They are not easy.  Many times, these treatments would result in me having to be placed in the hospital for multiple days due to complications, infections, and blood transfusions.

Taking all of this information into account the conversation with my doctor moved to determining what we should do next.  How do we treat this incurable cancer?  Well, the answer is that it might be time that we don’t treat it.  We have exhausted our options.  At this point the treatments could shorten my life instead of extending it.  The treatments would absolutely reduce my quality of life, as proven by my many hospital stays.  I am a 33-year-old mother and wife.  Although I am not ready to die I know that I do not want to spend my remaining days ill in the hospital due to treatments. 

As we continued this conversation my husband brought up the idea of an immunotherapy which was recently approved for cervical cancer:  Keytruda.  My gynecologic oncologist said that it was an option, but it would not be without side effects.  We would also need to do a biopsy to see if I was a carrier of a certain tumor marker to determine if it was a treatment which would be a viable option.  I will be having my biopsy soon.  This treatment isn’t something that would cure the cancer, but, maybe it could slow it down.

One of the hardest parts of the conversation with my doctor was when I asked something I always said I would never ask: “How long can I live if we don’t do treatment?”  I never asked because I really didn’t want to know before, however, I felt like at this point it was a key piece of information when deciding what to do moving forward.  Dr. Callahan said he liked to break down the answer into three parts: days to weeks, months, or years.  We discussed that I am not at the days to weeks point, but, I am not in the years category either.  Imagine that.  Picture sitting in your doctor’s office as a 33-year-old wife and mother hearing that you are going to die without treatment within a year.  Remember that as you

are sitting there you know you have exhausted your treatment options and the best way to have a fulfilling quality of life is to stop treatment.

Honestly, I fully expected to hear that the recommendation was no further treatment.  I am pretty well versed in cervical cancer at this point; I have been dealing with it for over six years and have been advocating for awareness much of that time.  I have spoken with specialists from around the world.  Met fellow patients from around the world.  I have attended funerals of friends who were in the same situation I now find myself in.  I knew what was coming; I knew we were out of options.  It is never easy to hear though.

This was a hard message to share out publicly.  I have had to mentally prepare myself for the responses.  There are people who are going to push me to find religion.  There are people who think they are experts and know how to cure cancer without standard treatment.  There are also those individuals who will still think I will be okay.  It is hard to break the news to people.  I know people want to help but don’t know what to say.  I don’t know what to ask for.  It is challenging all around.  As far as the time I have left goes, I am going to continue living my life until I’m gone.  I hope you will join me!

– Erica Frazier Stum