caregivers

Caregiving: A Love Story

I wanted to take a moment to share my love letter to the caregivers in our lives, family or chosen, who perhaps unbeknownst to them, are the ones who give us the strength to put one foot in front of the other day after day.

Cervivor Erica’s husband JR, had talked with Cervivor here about his feelings of helplessness but through his unique caregiver lens you feel that special bond that forms when a family is faced with such a life alerting shift.

Love may conquer all but that doesn’t make it less challenging or painful for caregivers. I won’t pretend to know what it’s like for my caregiving team but my husband, my children, my parents, my brother and my village do more for me than they may ever know.

After my second surgery left me with no bladder or colon, my then fiancé became my nurse. In the hospital, he recorded the Wound Care nurse demonstrating bag changes. Then at home *he* was the one who changed my poop and pee bags for months. While I screamed in frustration trying to do it on my own, he just held me and reassured me that I could do it. And eventually I did.

He also sat beside me and held my hand each time my oncologist told us of a reoccurrence or metastasis. We’ve cried together, and apart. It is exhausting and overwhelming for both of us and that’s why I’m so grateful for him.

My children, who each moment provide me with love, are who I fight so hard for. My children may be adults but that does not make this any easier. This caregiving thing wasn’t suppose to happen until I became very old. I want nothing more than to continue to be here with them to share the big and small moments life brings.

My parents and my brother, along with my chosen family, constantly support me. They are there each time I am hospitalized, they take care of our pets when we cannot, they lend a shoulder to cry on, they summon prayer warriors in my name, they have raised an insane amount of awareness and dollars for causes I care about, they never miss an opportunity to celebrate with me and they love abundantly and without hesitation.

These people, whose love touches my heart so deeply, are MY HEROES. This life would not be worth fighting for if they were not here. You give selflessly; you are my joy, my peace and my strength.

Whomever you surround yourself with during the hard times, know that their love is unconditional but they struggle with watching someone they love suffer and they want more than anything to help get you to the other side of your pain. Keep the door open for those who feel like sunshine.

A beautiful quote that sums up caregiving to me is this one…

“When you go out into the world, watch for traffic, hold hands and stick together.”

Carol is an 11 year metastatic, recurrent cervical cancer thriver and Lead Cervivor Ambassador. She is also a double-ostomate and is passionate about dispelling stigmas as a cervical cancer survivor and ostomate.

Three French Hens, Two Cancer Patients and One Love

When my husband Keith and I married on December 30, 2010, we embraced the meaning of the three French hens as Faith, Hope and Love. I knew my life was going to change when we said our ‘I dos’ but exactly how only God held the answers. 

Amy & Keith

I remember when we first met. His smile had me mesmerized as we cut a rug to a 90’s song at a local restaurant turned dance club. His face lit up as we got to know one another. I felt a warmth come over me as he reminded me of home. He was so adorable. I said to myself “I could see myself marring him.”

We both shared our love of faith on our first date. We are both believers in Christ. This is the most important quality in a man to me. We conversed about me becoming a Christian in 2002 and he being raised in a Christian home and we smiled. He shared how he grew up going to church in a small town when he was younger and that attending Sunday service and worshiping our Lord and Savior were two spiritual activities we have in common. He also shared how his big family is so important to him. His older sister loved to cook a big dinner after church on Sundays for his family of five. Our relationship grew on Faith, Hope and Love. 

Eight years after we got married, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer stage 1B2.  I had a hysterectomy, radiation and chemotherapy. I felt defeated. I was fatigued all the time, especially after my first round of chemotherapy. Keith was right there by my side encouraging me and praying for me everyday. He was my hope and not only that he became my caregiver. During this time, he would take me to my oncology appointments which were 30 minutes away from home. I felt so grateful and safe. I really never understood when people spoke about “their person” or my “ride or die”. Well, now I do. I don’t know what I would have done without him. 

The following year, we received some more heartbreaking news. Keith was diagnosed with multiple myeloma.

We nervously waited in the emergency exam room. The doctor came in and said, “Mr. Knox it looks like you have some cancerous lesions.” We were both in shock. I seriously couldn’t believe we were going down this road again. I exhaled.

Then Keith’s journey began in October 2018 when he went through a long and difficult stem cell transplant. This is a procedure in which a patient receives healthy stem cells to replace their own. He was in the hospital for 27 days. He was very weak, had no strength and lost 32 pounds. He was given a large dose of chemotherapy which made his hair fall out. I was at the hospital by his side day and night, giving him hope by praying for him and helping him with his basic needs like walking, getting dressed and eating. I will be honest, some days were really hard. There were long nights and days where my husband wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t walk and somedays he felt like giving up. 

Then God stepped in. The Physicians Assistant, Ami, who is part of the oncology team asked Keith if he wanted to go home today. He answered with a yes and we were beyond happy!

Survivor & Cervivor

Today I continue as his caregiver, assisting with his medication and chemotherapy daily. He also has neuropathy in his feet and legs. Neuropathy is weakness or numbness and pain from nerve damage. I rub his feet with pain reliving creams. Some days are better than others. But every day is a gift that I am with him. 

As a patient and caregiver I too have days where I need help. My husband helps me when I don’t feel like cooking. If I need help with doing laundry or vacuuming the house, he is the first person to say, “I got you babe” and I am the first to say, “Thank you and I love you.” This relationship has taught me it’s ok to ask for help and I try not to put pressure on myself to get everything done. It’s okay to have a day where all you do is rest or read a book. There are days both of us don’t feel like doing a dang thing. What I have learned is to be in tune to or with your partner whether it be for better or for worse!  

Amy is a wife and patient advocate based in North Carolina, who was diagnosed with cervical cancer at age 44. She is passionate about reminding women to get screened for cervical cancer. She supports Cervivor and its mission in many ways, including being a social media influencer for the organization, as well using her faith to serve as a praying partner for those seeking that level of support. Learn more about Amy by reading her Cervivor story here.