Month: May 2023

The Language of Cancer

Cancer gives us a new vocabulary. Some words and phrases we embrace and some just do not resonate with us. We asked our Cervivor community to share a word or phrase that they find or found challenging to hear during and after cervical cancer treatment.

Just saying or writing the word ‘cancer’ hurts so much. ~ Marlene B

There was a resounding, collective group sigh at the phrase “new normal”. Nothing about cancer is normal and the ability to go back or to regain any sense of BC (before cancer) normalcy is completely unattainable. Treatment may end, surgery is done but we live with life-long physical and emotional side effects that you just do not ‘get over’. As Anne Z says, “Cancer is something I just have to deal with”.

“You don’t look sick”

This hosts a multitude of triggers for those living with both acute and chronic illness. It’s taken me years to learn how to unpack (to recognize why I react) and respond authentically to this one… yet can still really hurt emotionally. To everyone here, you are seen… even if the illness or situation is not. ~ Lori S

“You look good”

Although I know it comes from a good place, I hate when people say ‘you look good’ knowing I don’t look anything like I did before my third diagnosis. I am not sure why it bothers me so much but I always smile and say ‘thanks’. I also cannot stand when people say, ‘I don’t know how you do it’… like what was I suppose to do, give up? I wish they could just simply say, ‘I admire your strength’. ~ Jenn M

“You got this”

I think I prefer the statement, ‘I’ve got you’ as it comes across as more supportive. ~ Hilary B

“Preventable”

This word really stings for me. This is truly just my hang up because of my situation but I completely understand and agree with why it’s used now. For me though, it gives me chills because it makes me feel like if I would’ve done something different I wouldn’t have cancer. It just stings because the HPV vaccine wasn’t an option for me (I’m too old) and I have had my screenings religiously every three years since I was 18. ~ Tammy S

“Only”

Like, it’s ‘only surgery’ or it’s ‘only stage __’. It can come from anyone but it especially stings when it comes from fellow Cervivors. This cancer is life changing, brutal and leaves us with awful after effects no matter the stage or treatments. It makes you feel like you’re viewed as a lesser cancer patient. ~ Elizabeth A

“Incurable”

I have put zero stock in this word since I first heard it. Fact is I’m living with cancer not dying from it and I have a lot of living left to do. ~ Christy C

“They lost their battle” or “They beat cancer”

I don’t think it’s a competition and no one wins or loses. I chose to say ‘I’m surviving cancer.’ ~ Carol L

I hate thinking about people losing… ~ Jessica S

When someone says this, it always makes me cringe. ~ Brooke W

“Move on”

Don’t you think I know that already? It’s a process that takes time to heal both physically and mentally. ~ Anna O

People who have maybe not gone through or cared for a loved one with cancer, often have well-intended but somewhat off-putting comments that many of us struggle to accept. We smile, accepting these ill-fitting words, as we know they come from a place of kindness and concern, but we hope that others can be more mindful when speaking to cancer patients and survivors. Or perhaps chose to say nothing and simply offer your hand to hold — this speaks volumes.

What Our Mothers Gave Us

I am a daughter of women. And in my little world, it was my grandmothers and my great-aunts, along with my mom, who shaped my early years with their unconditional love, kindness and most of all their joy. They were a consistent presence in my young life when nothing else was. As I grew up, and especially when I found myself in the cervical cancer world, their words became the armor I wore to take on whatever the world tossed my way.

This Mother’s Day, we want to celebrate how we have been transformed by the women in our lives. Our mothers, grandmothers, aunties — these are women who made a lasting impact on who we have become. Our community members reflected on what their family matriarchs bestowed upon them and how that guides you today. You shared your heartfelt memories and they really spoke to how diverse the celebration of Mother’s Day can be.

Doris

“My dear mother passed away in August 2020, just five months after her 100th birthday. Her spirit has kept me going throughout the cancer journey. I can imagine if she were here, watching me through this past year, she would encourage me with expressions of faith and determination. As she frequently pointed out when I was growing up, ‘You are a child of God and, if He marks the fall of even one sparrow, how could He not keep up with you?’ She modeled how to thrive through troubles, with head unbowed, hear unbroken and soul unbothered. I am made better for it.”

Anne

“At the end of my grandma’s life, she was suffering from macular degeneration, Parkinson’s disease and Lewy body dementia. We knew she was about to pass so I went to visit her to say goodbye. When I walked in and held her hand, she said, ‘Annie’. She hadn’t spoken in weeks! I told her how much I loved her, how much I knew she loved me and that she had always been my champion. I’ve been thinking of her a lot lately. I’m trying to raise my girls to be strong, kind, intelligent women. May we all have strong women in our lives, championing and cheering us on.”

Kimberly

“After my father passed away when I was 11, I was left with frustration and also confused. I was a ‘Daddy’s girl’ and I was hurt. My mother stepped in and nurtured the pain that I carried and allowed me to become a strong, resilient fighter. When I became a mom, I wanted to share those same strengths with my children. And my children have taught me to hope, dream and love. They have taught me more than I believe I’ve taught them at times. Their blind faith reminds me that I can love even when I’m hurt, mistakes do not have to be your defining moments, and your next levels are created by your desire to see your end result.”

Tamika

My best piece of advice from my mother reflects my own parenting style: “Happy, Healthy, Alive”. My mother often commented how happy I was, and shared that she prayed that I would always be so happy in life. I want Chayton, our Cervivor Baby, to know that he is loved. I grew up in a huge family, but also had a lot of close family friends that were a part of my village, and I love that my son has that too. There is so much pressure in life to cross all of the “successful” things off a list. But we often forget the pure joy of living a well-lived life.

Let’s take a moment to remember and thank our loved ones for bestowing unwavering love, guidance and wisdom upon us. We treasure our memories of these women who gave us grace and strength. Perhaps we are missing our special person today but we can keep them in our hearts forever, and carry their light within us as we move through life. We also have the compassion and kindness of this resilient Cervivor community that we can turn to when we need to be uplifted.

Carol Lacey is our Lead Cervivor Ambassador and 2020 Cervivor Champion. She wants to thank her mother, Margie, for loving her fiercely. Read or watch Carol’s Cervivor Story.