mental health awareness month

How We Went from Pudding to Acceptance

Two years ago, my husband and I received the devastating news that I had been diagnosed with cervical cancer. At the time, the mere mention of the word “cancer” was enough to send us into a state of panic. To cope with the fear and uncertainty, we came up with a unique way of talking about my diagnosis: we referred to it as “a pudding.”

This simple act of renaming the disease allowed us to talk about it more openly, without being overwhelmed by fear. We could discuss my treatments, prognosis, and how we were feeling without feeling like the weight of the world was on our shoulders. I used this little cute pudding emoji when I texted someone about it, and encouraged some of my close friends to do the same. 

As the months went by, we faced numerous challenges and struggles, from painful treatments to emotional turmoil. But with the support of family, friends, and a dedicated medical team, we slowly but surely found the strength to keep fighting. Over time, our outlook on life changed as we learned to embrace each day and live in the moment.

Fast-forward two years, one of my friends texted me saying “how is your pudding?”, and this was when I realized that the word “pudding” is no longer a part of our vocabulary; we can now say “cancer” without fear or hesitation. My husband didn’t even remember the fact that we used to call it a pudding. This represents a major shift in our mindset and how we perceive the disease. We have learned to accept the reality of my diagnosis and move forward with it. We have come to understand that cancer is just a word, and it does not define who we are or what our future holds, although I also feel like cancer is now a big part of my life in both good and bad ways.

This journey has been incredibly difficult, but it has also taught us so much about ourselves and life. We have learned that it’s okay to be afraid, and it’s also important to face our fears and embrace the journey. By being open and honest about our experiences, we hope to inspire others who may be going through a similar situation and help them overcome their fears and pains.

In conclusion, our journey from “pudding” to acceptance has been a powerful reminder that we are strong, bonded and we get through difficulties together. By embracing the reality of my diagnosis and focusing on one thing at a time, we have found the strength and resilience to overcome the difficult situation and move forward with hope. I am currently facing issues with my body due to side effects from cancer treatments, and those sometimes make me feel like I am mentally not well, but one thing we know is I will feel better again. We will get through this. I am now much more confident and have more faith in myself.

Survivor & Caregiver

Looking back over the past two years, time and patience were the most important things in this process of moving forward. In my darkest moments, I turned to a support group of fellow cancer survivors, Cervivor, who provided me with comfort, encouragement, and a sense of community. I am amazed by the resilience of these individuals, who have gone through similar experiences and come out on the other side. Their stories gave us the courage to keep moving forward, even on our toughest days. This is why I am writing this blog post, hoping to give a ray of hope for anyone who is currently suffering. I will continue to tell my story as a way to inspire others and to remind you that you are not alone. 

Anna was born and raised in Japan and came to the U.S. in 2015. After she survived cervical cancer in 2021, she became a Cervivor School graduate in 2022. She is a business development professional working for a Japanese corporation. She currently lives in Washington state with her husband and their fur babies. In her spare time, she enjoys gardening, cooking and watching shows & movies. She is passionate about fostering dogs to give them a second chance.

The Language of Cancer

Cancer gives us a new vocabulary. Some words and phrases we embrace and some just do not resonate with us. We asked our Cervivor community to share a word or phrase that they find or found challenging to hear during and after cervical cancer treatment.

Just saying or writing the word ‘cancer’ hurts so much. ~ Marlene B

There was a resounding, collective group sigh at the phrase “new normal”. Nothing about cancer is normal and the ability to go back or to regain any sense of BC (before cancer) normalcy is completely unattainable. Treatment may end, surgery is done but we live with life-long physical and emotional side effects that you just do not ‘get over’. As Anne Z says, “Cancer is something I just have to deal with”.

“You don’t look sick”

This hosts a multitude of triggers for those living with both acute and chronic illness. It’s taken me years to learn how to unpack (to recognize why I react) and respond authentically to this one… yet can still really hurt emotionally. To everyone here, you are seen… even if the illness or situation is not. ~ Lori S

“You look good”

Although I know it comes from a good place, I hate when people say ‘you look good’ knowing I don’t look anything like I did before my third diagnosis. I am not sure why it bothers me so much but I always smile and say ‘thanks’. I also cannot stand when people say, ‘I don’t know how you do it’… like what was I suppose to do, give up? I wish they could just simply say, ‘I admire your strength’. ~ Jenn M

“You got this”

I think I prefer the statement, ‘I’ve got you’ as it comes across as more supportive. ~ Hilary B

“Preventable”

This word really stings for me. This is truly just my hang up because of my situation but I completely understand and agree with why it’s used now. For me though, it gives me chills because it makes me feel like if I would’ve done something different I wouldn’t have cancer. It just stings because the HPV vaccine wasn’t an option for me (I’m too old) and I have had my screenings religiously every three years since I was 18. ~ Tammy S

“Only”

Like, it’s ‘only surgery’ or it’s ‘only stage __’. It can come from anyone but it especially stings when it comes from fellow Cervivors. This cancer is life changing, brutal and leaves us with awful after effects no matter the stage or treatments. It makes you feel like you’re viewed as a lesser cancer patient. ~ Elizabeth A

“Incurable”

I have put zero stock in this word since I first heard it. Fact is I’m living with cancer not dying from it and I have a lot of living left to do. ~ Christy C

“They lost their battle” or “They beat cancer”

I don’t think it’s a competition and no one wins or loses. I chose to say ‘I’m surviving cancer.’ ~ Carol L

I hate thinking about people losing… ~ Jessica S

When someone says this, it always makes me cringe. ~ Brooke W

“Move on”

Don’t you think I know that already? It’s a process that takes time to heal both physically and mentally. ~ Anna O

People who have maybe not gone through or cared for a loved one with cancer, often have well-intended but somewhat off-putting comments that many of us struggle to accept. We smile, accepting these ill-fitting words, as we know they come from a place of kindness and concern, but we hope that others can be more mindful when speaking to cancer patients and survivors. Or perhaps chose to say nothing and simply offer your hand to hold — this speaks volumes.